100 Things I Would Only Admit To 400 Of My Closest Friends
Anyone remember myspace surveys? Or how about the notes on Facebook that people used to tag their friends in so that they’d fill it out and then tag 100 of their closest friends? Yeah. What ever happened to those? Well, I once compiled a short list about myself for one and I had a damn good time doing it. I learned things about myself I didn’t even know until I typed them. That is the inspiration for today’s random musings…
1. I adore baby-faced men with blond hair and blue eyes.
2. My past is littered with men who have dark hair and eyes.
3. I hate mushrooms because they are soft and rubbery in your mouth. Nothing should be both soft and rubbery if it’s in your mouth.
4. The last time I wrote one of these I had plans to move to California. I really wish I would have followed through with that.
5. Until they make a sarcastic font…I will continue to bomb at texting guys I’m trying to impress.
6. I don’t like talking on the phone because I believe I don’t have time for conversation. Then I sit at home for hours and speak to no one.
7. I rarely, if ever, leave my house without showering first. It really only happens if I’m heading straight home to shower.
8. People with greasy unwashed hair gross me out.
9. My hair is naturally curly now but when I was a kid it was stick straight. I cannot explain this phenomenon.
10. Graduate school really was on my list of things to do…but I somehow misplaced that list.
11. If there is karaoke going on a bar…I have a really hard time not grabbing a mic and participating…in fact I usually do.
12. No matter what you’ve done…delivering your apology with a dozen roses will always be grounds for forgiveness.
13. I’m jealous of the people I went to school with who went on and got a graduate degree and are actually working in the career they dreamed about when we were kids.
14. I don’t think 4 year degrees are all they’re cracked up to be and would urge America’s youth to go to a tech school and specialize in something only a few people do instead of going to a university to barely get by in something everyone does.
15. I wish someone would have given me the harsh truth about life before I wasted thousands of dollars getting a 4 year degree.
16. This summer was the closest I’ve ever come to living in a van down by the river.
17. Vodka never treats me the way I want to be treated…but I keep going back to it. Kind of like the men in my life…
18. When I retire it will be by the ocean.
19. Here’s hoping I make enough money in the next 30 years to retire by the ocean.
20. I have been a bridesmaid in 4 weddings. I love being a bridesmaid because it means someone in your life cares enough about you to have you be a part of one of the biggest days of their life. Also because of the hot men and open bar.
21. Some day I wish to have my own bridesmaids.
22. One of my biggest fears is to spend my entire life without ever finding a man who loves me.
23. The number of men I’ve slept with is
24. There is only one guy whose name I legit don’t remember. I think it started with a D and was pretty uncommon…but that’s the best I’ve got.
25. I always fall for younger guys. If you lined up all the men in my life I have ever wanted to be with…only 2 of them were older than me—and it wasn’t by much.
26. I need to start meeting men who can handle having a real woman in their life and stop playing with all these boys who can only commit their lives to a video game console. This eliminates all men in their 20s…
27. My favorite food groups are booze, cheese, pizza, and ice cream.
28. It’s no mystery how I’ve gained 40 pounds since HS.
29. I will never be convinced that skinny girls have as many issues as big girls. We have all the same issues skinny girls have…plus all the issues associated with not being skinny.
30. My self-confidence has always been an extension of the people around me. When I’m alone, I have none.
31. I remember every comment about my weight that was has ever been made by a person of the opposite sex…stemming all the way back to when I was 14 years old.
32. Drinking isn’t the only way I know how to have fun…but it sure helps!
33. One day I hope to have a good story to tell when people ask me “So what’s new with you?”
34. Living the single life is as absolutely fantastically fun as it is despairingly lonely.
35. I secretly judge people when they say they’ve never been out of country. It’s even worse if they have never been outside of the Midwest. Don’t even get me started on people who’ve never left Wisconsin…
36. My college years were some of the best years ever…which is good because I will be paying for them for the rest of my life.
37. I want to write a book and have it published. It’s been a dream of mine since I learned how to write. I’m afraid that I will fail at it and have nothing left to dream about.
38. Whenever I think I’ve met a guy who is completely different from any other guy I’ve ever met…he always ends up turning in to one of them.
39. Men always disappoint me in the end. Always.
40. Straight teeth are my thing…even though mine are crooked.
41. Being an adult has turned out to be way more difficult than I ever imagined it would be.
42. I’m at the age where most of my friends have partnered off and started reproducing. I’ve turned in to the “token single friend” and I really hate that I’ve earned that title.
43. I was the last person my age to loose my virginity. I was even behind most people much younger than me.
44. I have 4 brothers and 4 sisters.
45. I am Team Edward. Always have been since the first day I picked up the book. But I’m thankful for the movies that star a shirtless Taylor Lautner.
46. I think Stephenie Meyer is a terrible writer but those books were like crack for me. Or what I imagine crack would be like anyway…
47. In my D&D life I’m a Rogue Half-Elf named Lita.
48. Yes, I actually play.
49. Euchre is my favorite card game hands down.
50. Counting points in cribbage makes me feel like I’d fail 3rd grade math.
51. Lying down to go to sleep at night is my favorite part of the day because in that moment there is absolutely nothing I have to do but sleep.
52. I love animated movies and sometimes I use kids a ruse to go see them.
53. I always sit directly on the toilet seat in public bathrooms—and only if they look gross do I ever use that stupid tissue paper. I have never once caught any sort of disease from doing this.
54. I used to make jokes about marrying for financial stability when I was younger and had money. Now that I’m older and broke…it’s not so funny.
55. A lot of my family members are super religious. So much so that I’m afraid they all think I’m going straight to hell.
56. I’m not sure I even believe in hell…but I know that the “sins” I’ve committed in my life are really piss poor reasons to damn someone to an eternal life of suffering.
57. I do not believe in God, but I do believe people need something to believe in.
58. My favorite flowers are roses. As cliché as they are…they are still classic and there’s no mixed message when you receive a dozen of them as a gift.
59. I do not hate Valentine’s Day. It is, in fact, one of my favorite holidays even though I haven’t had a boyfriend for over 5 years to spend it with.
60. People who discredit V-Day as a hallmark holiday and say their significant other shouldn’t need an excuse to give them presents, annoy me and I want to tell them all to shut up, eat their chocolate, smell their flowers, love their jewelry, and appreciate that they have someone to give it to them.
61. I believe in love even though I have never actually been “in love.”
62. I groan loudly at really cheesy or uber romantic things I see on tv or in movies…but wish I had someone who cared enough about me to want to do them.
63. I enjoy the freedom I have living alone. And by “freedom” I mean being able to walk around my apartment naked if I want. Which I do...often...just because I can.
64. Prank calling was never something I was good at because I’d start laughing the second the person picked up the phone.
65. I’m horrible at imitating people.
66. I believe in the good of all people which usually just means I get taken advantage of really easily.
67. Children always seem to pop up next to me whenever I go on a swearing tirade.
68. My memory is terrible unless you’re a movie reference, song lyric, or Sex and the City quote.
69. I’m a terrible “sexter” and can only do it when I’m drunk. I blush and giggle at the thought of doing it sober.
70. I never bet on things unless I know I can win.
71. I once forgot that I was boiling eggs until I heard them pop all over the kitchen!
72. I used to be a really good singer in high school and actually won gold medals. Years of drinking and smoking have changed my voice to something on the level below obnoxious karaoke singer.
73. Sometimes I google my name and then get upset when I see all the other people out in the world with my name who are actually successful.
74. I took a few weeks of Tae Kwon Do and then quit because I couldn’t hack it with the 5 year olds.
75. I was once slapped in the face by a guy. It wasn’t really a slap, so much as a face shove—which isn’t much better I suppose—but I told everyone he hit me cuz I was pissed and he was known for the rest of the summer as a “woman abuser.”
76. All my ex boyfriends are married.
77. My step-dad is a mechanic so I’ve ended up driving 8 cars in the 12 years I’ve had a license.
78. I’ve only been kicked out of an establishment twice in my life…once was for shoving a girl who had her arm around my boyfriend…and the other was for making out with a dude. Not my proudest moment.
79. Biological clocks were always a joke to me until I stared down the barrel of 30 and realized time really is running out.
80. I prefer to sleep in a cold room over a hot room. You can always add more layers, but you can only take off so much.
81. When I was little I found a condom in the parking lot. I opened it and carried it around with me asking all the older kids what it was. I ended up putting it in our mailbox for my step-dad to find. He never knew it was me.
82. I don’t like people judging me on my music taste…but I secretly judge them on theirs.
83. My favorite childhood memories used to be all about me, but when I lost my brother Arnold they became all the ones that he is in.
84. My time with him was not long enough and it pains me to hear about people who don’t talk to their siblings that they are lucky are still alive and well.
85. I kick myself for all the great guys I’ve met, but turned down because I thought I would find someone better.
86. I’m rarely early and never late. I will dick around just long enough so that I show up “on time.”
87. My happiness stems from making those around me happy.
88. I still pick my nose regularly. It’s just that these days I actually dispose of my findings in better places than the back of the couch or the arm rest of the chair.
89. I believe in things like UFOs, ghosts, and conspiracy theories. They make life more interesting.
90. The truth is out there.
91. I’ve been cheated on before and it was absolutely devastating. However, I’ve also helped guys cheat on their girlfriends and thought nothing of it.
92. I’ve been about to start a diet, on a diet, or ending a diet, for the last 14 years of my life.
93. I have never broken any bones in my body.
94. I have no tattoos, but I have plans to get some when I find the money for it. I’ve been “finding the money for it” for about 10 years now.
95. I used to have my right eye brow pierced and I’m a little pissed I accidentally allowed it to close up after having it for only a year.
96. I’m glad I never did get my tongue pierced.
97. The only thing I’ve always known I wanted out of life is children.
98. Twice I’ve slept with guys to piss off one of my so-called friends.
99. I have a hard time not picking scabs before they heal. In fact, I usually do pick them.
100. I really like talking about myself and could probably list 100 more things if I thought people actually cared.
1. I adore baby-faced men with blond hair and blue eyes.
2. My past is littered with men who have dark hair and eyes.
3. I hate mushrooms because they are soft and rubbery in your mouth. Nothing should be both soft and rubbery if it’s in your mouth.
4. The last time I wrote one of these I had plans to move to California. I really wish I would have followed through with that.
5. Until they make a sarcastic font…I will continue to bomb at texting guys I’m trying to impress.
6. I don’t like talking on the phone because I believe I don’t have time for conversation. Then I sit at home for hours and speak to no one.
7. I rarely, if ever, leave my house without showering first. It really only happens if I’m heading straight home to shower.
8. People with greasy unwashed hair gross me out.
9. My hair is naturally curly now but when I was a kid it was stick straight. I cannot explain this phenomenon.
10. Graduate school really was on my list of things to do…but I somehow misplaced that list.
11. If there is karaoke going on a bar…I have a really hard time not grabbing a mic and participating…in fact I usually do.
12. No matter what you’ve done…delivering your apology with a dozen roses will always be grounds for forgiveness.
13. I’m jealous of the people I went to school with who went on and got a graduate degree and are actually working in the career they dreamed about when we were kids.
14. I don’t think 4 year degrees are all they’re cracked up to be and would urge America’s youth to go to a tech school and specialize in something only a few people do instead of going to a university to barely get by in something everyone does.
15. I wish someone would have given me the harsh truth about life before I wasted thousands of dollars getting a 4 year degree.
16. This summer was the closest I’ve ever come to living in a van down by the river.
17. Vodka never treats me the way I want to be treated…but I keep going back to it. Kind of like the men in my life…
18. When I retire it will be by the ocean.
19. Here’s hoping I make enough money in the next 30 years to retire by the ocean.
20. I have been a bridesmaid in 4 weddings. I love being a bridesmaid because it means someone in your life cares enough about you to have you be a part of one of the biggest days of their life. Also because of the hot men and open bar.
21. Some day I wish to have my own bridesmaids.
22. One of my biggest fears is to spend my entire life without ever finding a man who loves me.
23. The number of men I’ve slept with is
24. There is only one guy whose name I legit don’t remember. I think it started with a D and was pretty uncommon…but that’s the best I’ve got.
25. I always fall for younger guys. If you lined up all the men in my life I have ever wanted to be with…only 2 of them were older than me—and it wasn’t by much.
26. I need to start meeting men who can handle having a real woman in their life and stop playing with all these boys who can only commit their lives to a video game console. This eliminates all men in their 20s…
27. My favorite food groups are booze, cheese, pizza, and ice cream.
28. It’s no mystery how I’ve gained 40 pounds since HS.
29. I will never be convinced that skinny girls have as many issues as big girls. We have all the same issues skinny girls have…plus all the issues associated with not being skinny.
30. My self-confidence has always been an extension of the people around me. When I’m alone, I have none.
31. I remember every comment about my weight that was has ever been made by a person of the opposite sex…stemming all the way back to when I was 14 years old.
32. Drinking isn’t the only way I know how to have fun…but it sure helps!
33. One day I hope to have a good story to tell when people ask me “So what’s new with you?”
34. Living the single life is as absolutely fantastically fun as it is despairingly lonely.
35. I secretly judge people when they say they’ve never been out of country. It’s even worse if they have never been outside of the Midwest. Don’t even get me started on people who’ve never left Wisconsin…
36. My college years were some of the best years ever…which is good because I will be paying for them for the rest of my life.
37. I want to write a book and have it published. It’s been a dream of mine since I learned how to write. I’m afraid that I will fail at it and have nothing left to dream about.
38. Whenever I think I’ve met a guy who is completely different from any other guy I’ve ever met…he always ends up turning in to one of them.
39. Men always disappoint me in the end. Always.
40. Straight teeth are my thing…even though mine are crooked.
41. Being an adult has turned out to be way more difficult than I ever imagined it would be.
42. I’m at the age where most of my friends have partnered off and started reproducing. I’ve turned in to the “token single friend” and I really hate that I’ve earned that title.
43. I was the last person my age to loose my virginity. I was even behind most people much younger than me.
44. I have 4 brothers and 4 sisters.
45. I am Team Edward. Always have been since the first day I picked up the book. But I’m thankful for the movies that star a shirtless Taylor Lautner.
46. I think Stephenie Meyer is a terrible writer but those books were like crack for me. Or what I imagine crack would be like anyway…
47. In my D&D life I’m a Rogue Half-Elf named Lita.
48. Yes, I actually play.
49. Euchre is my favorite card game hands down.
50. Counting points in cribbage makes me feel like I’d fail 3rd grade math.
51. Lying down to go to sleep at night is my favorite part of the day because in that moment there is absolutely nothing I have to do but sleep.
52. I love animated movies and sometimes I use kids a ruse to go see them.
53. I always sit directly on the toilet seat in public bathrooms—and only if they look gross do I ever use that stupid tissue paper. I have never once caught any sort of disease from doing this.
54. I used to make jokes about marrying for financial stability when I was younger and had money. Now that I’m older and broke…it’s not so funny.
55. A lot of my family members are super religious. So much so that I’m afraid they all think I’m going straight to hell.
56. I’m not sure I even believe in hell…but I know that the “sins” I’ve committed in my life are really piss poor reasons to damn someone to an eternal life of suffering.
57. I do not believe in God, but I do believe people need something to believe in.
58. My favorite flowers are roses. As cliché as they are…they are still classic and there’s no mixed message when you receive a dozen of them as a gift.
59. I do not hate Valentine’s Day. It is, in fact, one of my favorite holidays even though I haven’t had a boyfriend for over 5 years to spend it with.
60. People who discredit V-Day as a hallmark holiday and say their significant other shouldn’t need an excuse to give them presents, annoy me and I want to tell them all to shut up, eat their chocolate, smell their flowers, love their jewelry, and appreciate that they have someone to give it to them.
61. I believe in love even though I have never actually been “in love.”
62. I groan loudly at really cheesy or uber romantic things I see on tv or in movies…but wish I had someone who cared enough about me to want to do them.
63. I enjoy the freedom I have living alone. And by “freedom” I mean being able to walk around my apartment naked if I want. Which I do...often...just because I can.
64. Prank calling was never something I was good at because I’d start laughing the second the person picked up the phone.
65. I’m horrible at imitating people.
66. I believe in the good of all people which usually just means I get taken advantage of really easily.
67. Children always seem to pop up next to me whenever I go on a swearing tirade.
68. My memory is terrible unless you’re a movie reference, song lyric, or Sex and the City quote.
69. I’m a terrible “sexter” and can only do it when I’m drunk. I blush and giggle at the thought of doing it sober.
70. I never bet on things unless I know I can win.
71. I once forgot that I was boiling eggs until I heard them pop all over the kitchen!
72. I used to be a really good singer in high school and actually won gold medals. Years of drinking and smoking have changed my voice to something on the level below obnoxious karaoke singer.
73. Sometimes I google my name and then get upset when I see all the other people out in the world with my name who are actually successful.
74. I took a few weeks of Tae Kwon Do and then quit because I couldn’t hack it with the 5 year olds.
75. I was once slapped in the face by a guy. It wasn’t really a slap, so much as a face shove—which isn’t much better I suppose—but I told everyone he hit me cuz I was pissed and he was known for the rest of the summer as a “woman abuser.”
76. All my ex boyfriends are married.
77. My step-dad is a mechanic so I’ve ended up driving 8 cars in the 12 years I’ve had a license.
78. I’ve only been kicked out of an establishment twice in my life…once was for shoving a girl who had her arm around my boyfriend…and the other was for making out with a dude. Not my proudest moment.
79. Biological clocks were always a joke to me until I stared down the barrel of 30 and realized time really is running out.
80. I prefer to sleep in a cold room over a hot room. You can always add more layers, but you can only take off so much.
81. When I was little I found a condom in the parking lot. I opened it and carried it around with me asking all the older kids what it was. I ended up putting it in our mailbox for my step-dad to find. He never knew it was me.
82. I don’t like people judging me on my music taste…but I secretly judge them on theirs.
83. My favorite childhood memories used to be all about me, but when I lost my brother Arnold they became all the ones that he is in.
84. My time with him was not long enough and it pains me to hear about people who don’t talk to their siblings that they are lucky are still alive and well.
85. I kick myself for all the great guys I’ve met, but turned down because I thought I would find someone better.
86. I’m rarely early and never late. I will dick around just long enough so that I show up “on time.”
87. My happiness stems from making those around me happy.
88. I still pick my nose regularly. It’s just that these days I actually dispose of my findings in better places than the back of the couch or the arm rest of the chair.
89. I believe in things like UFOs, ghosts, and conspiracy theories. They make life more interesting.
90. The truth is out there.
91. I’ve been cheated on before and it was absolutely devastating. However, I’ve also helped guys cheat on their girlfriends and thought nothing of it.
92. I’ve been about to start a diet, on a diet, or ending a diet, for the last 14 years of my life.
93. I have never broken any bones in my body.
94. I have no tattoos, but I have plans to get some when I find the money for it. I’ve been “finding the money for it” for about 10 years now.
95. I used to have my right eye brow pierced and I’m a little pissed I accidentally allowed it to close up after having it for only a year.
96. I’m glad I never did get my tongue pierced.
97. The only thing I’ve always known I wanted out of life is children.
98. Twice I’ve slept with guys to piss off one of my so-called friends.
99. I have a hard time not picking scabs before they heal. In fact, I usually do pick them.
100. I really like talking about myself and could probably list 100 more things if I thought people actually cared.
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