The Good Stuff: What No One Tells You About Being Pregnant

I realize my last post was a little bleak...however it was the truth!  I feel like whenever women talk about pregnancy it's like there's some unwritten rule that you're not allowed/supposed to complain about it.  You should be nothing but thankful and joyful for this wonderful miracle of life!  And of course...I am!  But I also enjoy playing devil's advocate and showing the other side of things.  

Plus, people should know what some women go through for this little miracle to occur!  There are so many women who are shamed for not having children or not wanting children.  And so many people quick to say it's "our job as women" to procreate and reproduce (most of these people are men, of course).  But this is no small task.  A woman pretty much gives up her life and body for 9 months to bring a little person in to the world.  If men had to carry babies, this world would be a very different place!  Now, I want to read that sci-fi novel.  

But I digress!  For as much pain and sickness as I've had to endure, I've also had some pretty awesome things happen since seeing that second pink line.  

1.  Joining the sacred sisterhood of mothers!

When you're single and childless you live in a completely different world from the mothers.  Only the strongest of friendships survive a friend leaving one and joining the other.  As I have quickly learned, the support mothers give each other is unprecedented (or as Trump says 'unpresidented')!  When I was single my other single friends and I partied a lot.  We had so much fun together going out, drinking, flirting with men, etc.  But ultimately it was every woman for herself.  

While you love and support your friends when you are single, you are focused on yourself.  Your love life, your social life, your career, your whatever.  In all reality it really is a competition.  For those of us who want to settle down, get married, pop out kids...our ultimate goal was finding a great man (or woman) and keeping him!  Partying with friends is just something you do to stay entertained while you keep looking.  You foster what you believe to be great life-long friendships...but then what happens when one of you finds that great man?  How long before you stop going out every Friday with the girls or day drinking at Badger tailgates or spending hours together eating dinner and drinking wine?  

The second I became a mother-to-be, all my mother friends started reaching out to me again.  I was finally initiated!  I was going to know what they went through.  And you know what?  They were here to help!  All of a sudden friends were messaging me telling me they had maternity clothes, baby clothes, toys, furniture!  It's one giant buy/sell/trade space...just with your friends.  

And then all of a sudden it's advice for days!  But it's not like the "once you stop looking you find him" type of advice.  When I was dating, I was sure I already knew everything there was to know about dating, and nothing anyone told me was going to help or change my mind.  As a mom-to-be...I can honestly cop to the fact that I know nothing about being pregnant or having a kid.  Now when I have a question, all I have to do is poll my friends and have real life advice from people I trust.  

The support moms give each other is like something I've never seen.  And you know what?  After my last blog, you'll understand exactly why need to support each other in this time.  Significant others are great, but they aren't carrying the child.  And if your S/O is a man, he'll just never get it.  Times like these I think being a lesbian is probably preferable.  At least a woman can sympathize better with uterine pains as she has one herself!

2. Blaming things on the pregnancy.

"I totally forgot to do that!  Whoops pregnancy brain strikes again!"  I've always been forgetful.  It's just that now I can blame pregnancy brain.  While I'm sure some things can be chalked up to the fact that my body is putting all it's energy in to growing a child and not a properly functioning memory...it can't all be the baby's fault.

3. Getting out of things because I'm pregnant.

While I haven't been feeling well and have actually felt bad for backing out of things due to being nauseated and exhausted...it's great to finally have an excuse for things I don't want to do.  No one questions a pregnant woman who "doesn't feel well."  Nine times out of ten, it's probably true.  But that tenth time, it's because we really just want to be on our couch with our feet up binge watching internet tv and eating cookies.

4. More massages!

There's a sympathy card to be played here with your s/o.  Since you are, in fact, doing all the work...they may feel like it's the least they can do.  Joe is a tricky one to play.  If I ask for too many massages in a row he'll want something in return...so I have to massage him during the times I feel good so that when I truly want/need one I can say "ah, but I just massaged your feet while we were watching tv the other day..."  

5. Finally becoming important in the family.

Let's face it...single adults get the least amount of attention at family functions once they graduate college.  It's like there's nothing left for people to get excited about for you.  Maybe bringing home the cool new person you're dating, but even then it doesn't count until you're married!  

And this really is the worst in families where the kids are having kids.  The grandparents stop worrying about their kids and worry only about their grandkids.  So if you're the last kid to have kids...you get the least amount of face time at the family functions.  You're there to do odd jobs, tell a joke, comment on a new restaurant suggestion, and play with the dogs.  

But bring a baby or small child in to the mix and all of a sudden all the attention is on you!  Well, really it's the baby getting all the attention, but you get the credit for having the baby.  It's like you have finally proven yourself a worthy member of the family.  Finally helping bring about the next generation of fill-in-the-blank your last name.  

Luckily for me, in my immediate family we still have several kids to have kids so I'm not the last one.  But I've seen this in full force in other families, including my fiance's.  If there is a small child in the room, they are the only ones anyone pays attention to.  It's like everything they say and do is somehow so interesting and hilarious.  Oh my god he just picked up a toy and ran around--how clever and funny.  She just picked her nose--genius in the making.  

And no one wants 100 pictures of the single adult in the corner drinking beer!

6. Getting to eat a cookie when I want a cookie.

Now this one is tricky because I definitely put gaining weight in the other blog as one of the bad things.  And it is.  But no one looks at a pregnant woman and tells her to put food down.  Now that would be detrimental to their health!  While the point is to continue to eat healthy during your pregnancy to give your baby all the important things it needs...you can't diet and count calories.  

So while I openly hate gaining weight, I love that now people tell me it's okay to eat.  In fact, it's encouraged!  Everyone wants to know what your weird cravings are.  Mine aren't weird...shells and cheese and chocolate.  And pretty much all the shit I couldn't regularly eat when I was doing Weight Watchers.  Of course, I also realize that anything I eat now will be something I have to deal with losing once the baby comes...but shut up and let me enjoy my cookie okay?!

7. Giving up alcohol.

Wait...what?  Why wasn't this in the other blog?  This makes no sense.  Pregnant Alicia is off her rocker, right?  Well...yes and no.  I do miss my beer, wine, and vodka.  I do.  I'd love to go out to dinner with my love and order wine instead of lemonade...but there's something so freeing about not drinking, or not being able to drink I should say.

When you drink alcohol there is so much that goes with it.  Am I drinking to be social?  To celebrate?  To get shit-faced wasted?  How much do I drink?  What do I need to do tomorrow?  Can I function at work after __ drinks?  Who's driving me home?  Do I have money for a cab if we can't drive?  Can I afford to drink top shelf or do I have to slum it with the call brand?  Have I had too many to drink?  Am I okay to drive?

To be honest, all those reasons are why Joe and I pretty much only drink on the weekends at home...and even that's rare.  I'm at an age where I don't want to wake up hungover.  The one off weddings and birthdays aside...I just don't need to go out and spend all my money on alcohol anymore.  Being pregnant just gets rid of all of that.  I don't have to have those inner monologues.  I don't have to quit drinking so Joe and get drunk (and vice versa).  

And did I mention how great it is to go out with friends and have a bill that's $25 and see them pulling out $40+?  Not because they have to pay more...but because I'm cheap and I see this as me saving money I would've otherwise spent.

8. Wearing stretchy pants every day.

While having to go out and buy a new wardrobe is something I could've added to the other list...it is wonderful to finally have an excuse to wear leggings and stretch pants every day.  I do not necessarily pull that look off with the thighs and ass I've cultivated since getting pregnant...but fuck it, I'm pregnant!  I know I'm never going to look like that effing woman who was waiting at the doctor's office across from me in regular jeans and a sweatshirt with a bowling ball under her shirt.

So why not just dive in head first to the stretch pants and over-sized shirts while I can?  I spend my whole life trying to find clothes in larger sizes that flatter my body type.  But right now my body type is potato.  I might've had an hourglass before, but now I'm just one big round mass.  I've accepted that nothing I wear now is going to be flattering.  I'm not going to like my reflection for a very long time...so fuck fashion...comfort is in baby!

9. Seeing and hearing my baby.

Yes, yes...the baby itself is the best thing about being pregnant.  While I don't actually feel like there is a baby in there...the medical professionals insist he exists.  My phone apps tell me he's the size of an avocado or apple.  So even though I haven't felt him yet...he's in there!  And that just friggen amazes me.  Always has.  I watched my mom pregnant 3 times.  And every time my mind was just blown that there was a child in there.

At my 10 week checkup the doctor told me it was 50/50 that we'd hear the heartbeat, but we certainly did!  It was strong and fast!  I cried, of course.  That made it seem at least more real than it had up that point.  And then at 12 weeks I had prenatal testing for being "old" that involved an ultrasound.  I got to have it earlier than they usually give you one.  And even though the ultrasound tech was horrible, and barely got excited for me or even talked to me, I saw him up on the screen moving around as she pressed on my belly.  

Then again at my 14 week check up I got to hear his heartbeat again.  While it's nerve wracking waiting for the doctor to find the heartbeat...it's so awesome once she finds it and I can hear his little ticker pumping away!  I also have another ultrasound set for my 20 week check up that Joe will coming with to see so we'll get to experience that together.

10. Reaching another level in my relationship.

No I don't mean leveling up like in a video game...but actually...I kind of do.  I'm lucky enough to have the father of my baby not just in my life, but with me every step of the way.  The second I woke him up to tell him I was pregnant changed our lives forever.  All I've wanted my entire life was to find someone to spend forever with and to make my own family.  And I went through a helluva lot of men looking for "the one."

And let me tell you that I really did win the man jackpot.  While he might not always pick up his clothes, clean his shavings out of the sink, pick up his used tissues, or put his dishes away...he loves me in a way every person should be loved.  When I feel like a giant whale he assures me I'm far from it.  When I'm having a bad day he gives me a hug and a kiss.  When we go sleep at night, he tells me he loves me.  When I wake up he says "good morning beautiful."

He desires me when I'm feeling undesirable.  He scratches my back when it itches.  He drives when I don't want to.  He opens the jars I can't get.  He kills the bugs I don't want to touch.  He flips off the drivers who cut me off.  He's on my side when I get mad at somebody at work.  He laughs at my jokes.  He doesn't make fun of my pregnant gassy body--in fact he appreciates it!  While I didn't think it was possible, he loves me even more now that I'm having his baby.  He's really one of a kind.  

We're having a little boy and I can only hope that he takes after his father in that way.  I don't know what his parents did to raise such a wonderful life partner for me...but I know our son will treat women the same way.  Not that any woman will be good enough for him ;)  

And I know he's going to be the best dad ever!  I've seen him with children, he's a natural.  Maybe because he's pretty childlike himself in some ways.  

11.  I am having a baby!

This is something I know not all women are able to do.  While I am quick to complain about the hardships, I'm not trying to diminish the women can't have kids.  Every woman should have the right to be nauseated for 3 straight months!  As much as it sucks to live through that...I get to have the great pay off at the end.  If all goes well, I will have a healthy and happy baby at the end of this journey.

I'm not naive to the fact that a lot of women cannot have children.  Or when they do get pregnant, they lose the child...or children.  I'm very thankful to be in my 15th week of pregnancy and past the worst of the worst.  Most miscarriages happen before the 12th week...but I know it's still possible for complications to arise in my pregnancy.  

It's possible that when I do end up birthing a baby that there may be complications or he may have a condition we weren't aware of in during pregnancy--they can only test for so many things.  I know women who have had stillborn children or who seem to have healthy babies, but then as a child they're diagnosed with cancer.  I can't even begin to imagine that.  After going through 9 months of carrying a child just to have something taken away. 

So while I am realistic that I'm not ever going to be in the clear again...that I will always worry about the health and well being of the child, whether he's in utero or alive...right now, all I can focus on is having a healthy and happy child!  I am a person who can get lost among the worries of life so I have chosen to keep my healthy/happy mantra at the forefront. 

All good and bad things on these lists aside...at the end I will have my dream come true.  My very own baby to love and cherish and raise and watch grow!  I can't wait to meet him.  

I need to know if he got Joe's chin, my nose, Joe's eyelashes, my curly hair, Joe's lips, or my smile......