There goes my sleep.
It's too early in the morning to hear your cries. Our house doesn't have to be up for at least another hour. But you made it clear that you're not going to let us leave you in your bed. As you squirm in our bed insisting on laying sideways, I realize none of us are going back to sleep this way. All I want is one more hour of sleep, but all you want is for me to take you to the living room to sit in the rocking chair.
You're normally a good sleeper. At the very least you don't cry out for us very often. You never really did and we are so very lucky for that. So when these once in a while times come around where you're not hungry, you're not sick, you just need me, I can't help but take the time to savor the moment. These are few and far between and while I'm tired and the last thing I want to do is be awake, you need me. This is what I signed up for I guess. There goes my sleep!
I lay your head on my chest as I recline back in the futile hope that you might fall back asleep. And then I have a flash back to a time when your entire body fit on my chest. When we brought you home you were barely over 6 pounds and you curled right up in to a little ball with your head tucked right under my chin. I didn't even have to hold you because you fit perfectly.
You used to fall asleep on me all the time. I would be stuck in whatever position I was in when you closed your eyes for however long that nap took. Usually I fell asleep too. You're hot blooded. You get that from me. And when I would wake up I would have a sweat spot the size of a baby on my shirt. I didn't mind though.
But no, you can no longer fit entirely on my chest. You can't even fit inside my arms. Your head is on my chest and your legs now dangle down by my knees. When did you get so big? Can you please stop growing?
Your head keeps bobbing up and down as you look around you. You keep squirming and changing position because you no longer fit perfectly. I see now that neither of us is going back to sleep. The old head tickle isn't working and neither is the back scratching. I do it anyway because I know there will be time when you are too big for all of that. Even though you are getting so big, you're still my baby boy.
There was a time when I could put you sleep with little to no effort. I could watch your sweet face as you dreamed. I would imagine all the dreams I have for you and your future and who you are going to turn out to be. But not now. Not this morning. You're stubborn. You get that from both your parents. So when you're awake and you don't want to go back to sleep, you're not going to no matter how much I try!
So we just lay there as you commented on everything you were seeing in the dark of the early morning. I had to keep reminding you to use your "whisper voice" because I was trying to let your dad sleep. Of course you're excitable--you get that from me--and anything new brought your volume back up! A blue car drove by. Another blue car drove by. Why are the cars out there? Why are their lights on? What's that? What's that mama?
Your mind runs a mile a minute. Again, you get that from me. And you are so smart and inquisitive just like all two year old kids are with their little sponge-like brains. I can appreciate that you want to know everything. You get that from your dad. As exhausting as it is to answer 20 questions before the sun even gets up, I know this moment is precious.
The years are going to go by and the time will come when I will realize that you no longer want to sit up with me early in the morning asking questions. I'll be lucky to steal a moment of time with you because you will be too busy for your old mom. You will have your own life and will be making your own moments. One day you will be grown up and you won't even remember that one night you couldn't sleep. You won't have this memory to look back on.
No, this memory is just going to be mine. When you're older and no longer come to me when you can't sleep, I'll have moments like these to look back on and remember a time when all you wanted was to sit in my lap and look out the window and learn about the world. I'll think back to that sweet little boy you once were who wanted to know everything. No matter where you end up, you were once mine. You were mine for a moment early in the morning when I thought you were stealing my sleep; but what you were really doing was giving me another memory.
You're normally a good sleeper. At the very least you don't cry out for us very often. You never really did and we are so very lucky for that. So when these once in a while times come around where you're not hungry, you're not sick, you just need me, I can't help but take the time to savor the moment. These are few and far between and while I'm tired and the last thing I want to do is be awake, you need me. This is what I signed up for I guess. There goes my sleep!
I lay your head on my chest as I recline back in the futile hope that you might fall back asleep. And then I have a flash back to a time when your entire body fit on my chest. When we brought you home you were barely over 6 pounds and you curled right up in to a little ball with your head tucked right under my chin. I didn't even have to hold you because you fit perfectly.
You used to fall asleep on me all the time. I would be stuck in whatever position I was in when you closed your eyes for however long that nap took. Usually I fell asleep too. You're hot blooded. You get that from me. And when I would wake up I would have a sweat spot the size of a baby on my shirt. I didn't mind though.
But no, you can no longer fit entirely on my chest. You can't even fit inside my arms. Your head is on my chest and your legs now dangle down by my knees. When did you get so big? Can you please stop growing?
Your head keeps bobbing up and down as you look around you. You keep squirming and changing position because you no longer fit perfectly. I see now that neither of us is going back to sleep. The old head tickle isn't working and neither is the back scratching. I do it anyway because I know there will be time when you are too big for all of that. Even though you are getting so big, you're still my baby boy.
There was a time when I could put you sleep with little to no effort. I could watch your sweet face as you dreamed. I would imagine all the dreams I have for you and your future and who you are going to turn out to be. But not now. Not this morning. You're stubborn. You get that from both your parents. So when you're awake and you don't want to go back to sleep, you're not going to no matter how much I try!
So we just lay there as you commented on everything you were seeing in the dark of the early morning. I had to keep reminding you to use your "whisper voice" because I was trying to let your dad sleep. Of course you're excitable--you get that from me--and anything new brought your volume back up! A blue car drove by. Another blue car drove by. Why are the cars out there? Why are their lights on? What's that? What's that mama?
Your mind runs a mile a minute. Again, you get that from me. And you are so smart and inquisitive just like all two year old kids are with their little sponge-like brains. I can appreciate that you want to know everything. You get that from your dad. As exhausting as it is to answer 20 questions before the sun even gets up, I know this moment is precious.
The years are going to go by and the time will come when I will realize that you no longer want to sit up with me early in the morning asking questions. I'll be lucky to steal a moment of time with you because you will be too busy for your old mom. You will have your own life and will be making your own moments. One day you will be grown up and you won't even remember that one night you couldn't sleep. You won't have this memory to look back on.
No, this memory is just going to be mine. When you're older and no longer come to me when you can't sleep, I'll have moments like these to look back on and remember a time when all you wanted was to sit in my lap and look out the window and learn about the world. I'll think back to that sweet little boy you once were who wanted to know everything. No matter where you end up, you were once mine. You were mine for a moment early in the morning when I thought you were stealing my sleep; but what you were really doing was giving me another memory.
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