Why doesn't anyone talk about being pregnant?
First of all, what the hell moms?!
No one prepared me for this. I know TONS of mothers. I'm 34...most people have 2 or 3 kids by the time they're my age. And yet online posting shows a bump pic or two and then BOOM baby's born. There's no in between. No one in my Facebook Newsfeed is talking about what happens to them in between cute baby bumps and cute babies!
Is there an unwritten rule that all moms know that no one clued me in to? Are we not allowed to talk about being pregnant online? Is it like the "no one cares that you're working out and eating healthy" rule? I mean, I get it. If you're struggling with your weight and you're seeing post after post of a friend or acquaintance killing at the gym and making gourmet meals under 300 calories, you start to get a little F U about their posts. Not because you aren't happy for your friend, per say, but because it makes you feel like a complete failure at life. This person is doing it, why do I suck at it?
I get it if pregnancy is a similar scenario. I know there are tons of women everywhere trying to get pregnant and failing, or who can't get pregnant at all. I'm not insensitive to this fact. I've been reading all the mommy blog posts about infertility, miscarriages, and rainbow babies. It's what keeps me up at night. Don't let anyone tell you that once you're successfully knocked up that you stop worrying about that stuff. In fact, I've spent too much time on the google looking up my chances of losing my baby. It's just human nature...and more so, Alicia nature. I am hard wired to think that anything good I get will inevitably be taken away.
But you can pretty much equate any life scenario to this. Are married couples not allowed to post about being married because it will upset single people? Are skinny people not allowed to post their work outs? Are successful people not allowed to post about going on fabulous vacations? Are beautiful people not allowed to post 500 selfies with their weird pursed lips?
I mean--where is the line drawn on social media?
Pregnancy must be the holy grail of topics. Parenting seems to get everyone's undies in a bunch. It is such a sensitive thing to discuss are you going to have a child? How are you going to raise your child? Why are you raising your child that way? Why don't you want to raise a child? It's so taboo that happy pregnant women feel like they need to not "rub it in" for the women who can't get pregnant. I guess as a woman now on the opposite side of the fence, it's hard for me to imagine.
But I've always been outspoken. Oh there's a topic no one wants to talk about? I'll do it! I mean, I have this blog that I assume is read mostly by people who don't know me. At least it has to be that way because my blog has over 20 thousand views. As much as my mother loves me, I don't think she cares to click on my blog more than once.
So there's only a handful of people who do know me reading this right now. And I figure if you're reading this right now, you care about me and my life and things that happen to me. So instead of being angry or jealous or offended that I'm *gasp* posting about being pregnant on social media, you'll be happy for me.
This is the most exciting thing to happen to me since I realized Joe was the one. And lets be honest, this is bigger than that! I mean, I love Joe...but this is my baby! This baby is making me the mother I've always wanted to be. Well, that I've always known I've wanted to be. In my 20's I was very happy not being a mother. I didn't technically need a Joe to have a baby, but he is a big plus!
That being said, I have told lots of people already that I'm pregnant. Every one I see in real life already knows. It's been a really difficult pregnancy for me and I needed people to understand why I'm such a horrible person to be around right now.
I'm tired and sick and sick and tired. All day erry day. There is no such thing as "morning sickness." Mine is a constant all day sickness. I spent the first three weeks laying on the couch. I didn't go anywhere or do anything. It was horrible. You ever been car sick? Well that's what I felt like all damn day long! I was nauseated with horrible headaches. Not to mention moody and hormonal. On top of that we had to pack up our apartment, move, and unpack the new apartment. So yeah--I've been in my own personal hell.
Joe has pretty much been a saint through this. I whine and complain all the time. And if I'm not doing that then I'm angry or crying. The other day the tin foil roll wasn't unrolling and I got so pissed I threw it across the room. It bounced off the table and landed on Joe. He was angry at me for being childish--however, he never stays angry at me for long. He's done very well listening to my bs on the regular.
My nausea is so bad that I've googled every remedy for morning sickness. I've purchased Preggie Pops (way overpriced), Sea Bands, saltines, ginger ale, ginger root, Unisom, B6, sugar free mints...the whole friggen nine yards people! And let me tell you, these things may help a little, but all they do is make you able to sit at your desk and work. They do not get rid of the nausea completely. So instead of wanting to die, you are unfortunately able to work for bits at a time. Until the magic wears off and you're totally miserable again.
My first doctor's appointment wasn't until 9 weeks in. Nine weeks of nausea I lived with! I tell you, it's enough to make me not want to do this ever again. I got a script for Reglan which was actually pretty amazing. Until it wasn't. I went a couple of weeks where I actually was able to forget I was pregnant. I mean--sure I was already wearing nothing but stretchy pants and tunic shirts because already I'd gained 10 pounds and none of my clothes fit...but besides feeling fat...I wasn't feeling nauseated which is what I quickly associated with feeling pregnant.
And then this week came. This is the magic week! The week I hit 12 weeks. Officially far enough along to announce pregnancy because my risk of miscarriage drops exponentially--so they say. I'm announcing tomorrow because tomorrow is Thanksgiving and also the exact day I go from 11 weeks (shhh) to 12 weeks (I'm pregnant!!!). And I haven't been able to appreciate it all.
Week 12 is supposed to be about the time the baby gets their shit together and starts regulating their own damn hormones. It's supposed to calm my hormones--therefore calming my nausea. All the baby blogs say it! "Those who experience morning sickness in their first trimester typically have those symptoms subside as they go in to their second trimester." That's not a direct quote from one post as it is in ALL posts.
Except for me. I'm one of the "lucky ones" who gets to keep their symptoms in to the 2nd (supposed to be the best) trimester. I only upchucked once up until last night where I heaved all night long. All I could think (besides, I shouldn't have eaten those puffy cheetos) was that I would be the one who's symptoms get worse literally 2 days before Thanksgiving.
Don't get me wrong here...I am so thankful that I made it to 12 weeks. So very thankful that I got to first hear my baby's heartbeat at 10 weeks (which is too early for about half of women) and that I got to get an ultrasound at 11 weeks (got pictures of the little nugget all over my desk). And I'm so happy to finally be a mom. Joe and I are first lucky to have found each other and second lucky to be able to have a baby that we will get to raise and love for the rest of our lives. We're going to be a family and not just a couple!
So even though this is easily the worst experience of my life, it is all canceled out at the end! At least that's what all the mom's keep telling me. "But it will all be worth it when you have that baby!" It's hard to imagine since even though I've seen and heard the baby, I haven't felt it yet. But I know it's in there. And I know it's healthy! Even if the baby blogs can't explain exactly why a woman experiences morning sickness--they all agree that the sicker the mom, the healthier the baby.
So here we are. Me and my baby. I'm miserable. My baby is happy. And this will continue for an undetermined amount of time. And if my baby thinks for one second, when they're hating my guts and telling me I'm the worst mother ever, that I will not remind them how miserable they once made me too...then my baby has another thing coming! I think the best part about being a parent will be reminding my child of every thing I went through to be a good one ;)
No one prepared me for this. I know TONS of mothers. I'm 34...most people have 2 or 3 kids by the time they're my age. And yet online posting shows a bump pic or two and then BOOM baby's born. There's no in between. No one in my Facebook Newsfeed is talking about what happens to them in between cute baby bumps and cute babies!
Is there an unwritten rule that all moms know that no one clued me in to? Are we not allowed to talk about being pregnant online? Is it like the "no one cares that you're working out and eating healthy" rule? I mean, I get it. If you're struggling with your weight and you're seeing post after post of a friend or acquaintance killing at the gym and making gourmet meals under 300 calories, you start to get a little F U about their posts. Not because you aren't happy for your friend, per say, but because it makes you feel like a complete failure at life. This person is doing it, why do I suck at it?
I get it if pregnancy is a similar scenario. I know there are tons of women everywhere trying to get pregnant and failing, or who can't get pregnant at all. I'm not insensitive to this fact. I've been reading all the mommy blog posts about infertility, miscarriages, and rainbow babies. It's what keeps me up at night. Don't let anyone tell you that once you're successfully knocked up that you stop worrying about that stuff. In fact, I've spent too much time on the google looking up my chances of losing my baby. It's just human nature...and more so, Alicia nature. I am hard wired to think that anything good I get will inevitably be taken away.
But you can pretty much equate any life scenario to this. Are married couples not allowed to post about being married because it will upset single people? Are skinny people not allowed to post their work outs? Are successful people not allowed to post about going on fabulous vacations? Are beautiful people not allowed to post 500 selfies with their weird pursed lips?
I mean--where is the line drawn on social media?
Pregnancy must be the holy grail of topics. Parenting seems to get everyone's undies in a bunch. It is such a sensitive thing to discuss are you going to have a child? How are you going to raise your child? Why are you raising your child that way? Why don't you want to raise a child? It's so taboo that happy pregnant women feel like they need to not "rub it in" for the women who can't get pregnant. I guess as a woman now on the opposite side of the fence, it's hard for me to imagine.
But I've always been outspoken. Oh there's a topic no one wants to talk about? I'll do it! I mean, I have this blog that I assume is read mostly by people who don't know me. At least it has to be that way because my blog has over 20 thousand views. As much as my mother loves me, I don't think she cares to click on my blog more than once.
So there's only a handful of people who do know me reading this right now. And I figure if you're reading this right now, you care about me and my life and things that happen to me. So instead of being angry or jealous or offended that I'm *gasp* posting about being pregnant on social media, you'll be happy for me.
This is the most exciting thing to happen to me since I realized Joe was the one. And lets be honest, this is bigger than that! I mean, I love Joe...but this is my baby! This baby is making me the mother I've always wanted to be. Well, that I've always known I've wanted to be. In my 20's I was very happy not being a mother. I didn't technically need a Joe to have a baby, but he is a big plus!
That being said, I have told lots of people already that I'm pregnant. Every one I see in real life already knows. It's been a really difficult pregnancy for me and I needed people to understand why I'm such a horrible person to be around right now.
I'm tired and sick and sick and tired. All day erry day. There is no such thing as "morning sickness." Mine is a constant all day sickness. I spent the first three weeks laying on the couch. I didn't go anywhere or do anything. It was horrible. You ever been car sick? Well that's what I felt like all damn day long! I was nauseated with horrible headaches. Not to mention moody and hormonal. On top of that we had to pack up our apartment, move, and unpack the new apartment. So yeah--I've been in my own personal hell.
Joe has pretty much been a saint through this. I whine and complain all the time. And if I'm not doing that then I'm angry or crying. The other day the tin foil roll wasn't unrolling and I got so pissed I threw it across the room. It bounced off the table and landed on Joe. He was angry at me for being childish--however, he never stays angry at me for long. He's done very well listening to my bs on the regular.
My nausea is so bad that I've googled every remedy for morning sickness. I've purchased Preggie Pops (way overpriced), Sea Bands, saltines, ginger ale, ginger root, Unisom, B6, sugar free mints...the whole friggen nine yards people! And let me tell you, these things may help a little, but all they do is make you able to sit at your desk and work. They do not get rid of the nausea completely. So instead of wanting to die, you are unfortunately able to work for bits at a time. Until the magic wears off and you're totally miserable again.
My first doctor's appointment wasn't until 9 weeks in. Nine weeks of nausea I lived with! I tell you, it's enough to make me not want to do this ever again. I got a script for Reglan which was actually pretty amazing. Until it wasn't. I went a couple of weeks where I actually was able to forget I was pregnant. I mean--sure I was already wearing nothing but stretchy pants and tunic shirts because already I'd gained 10 pounds and none of my clothes fit...but besides feeling fat...I wasn't feeling nauseated which is what I quickly associated with feeling pregnant.
And then this week came. This is the magic week! The week I hit 12 weeks. Officially far enough along to announce pregnancy because my risk of miscarriage drops exponentially--so they say. I'm announcing tomorrow because tomorrow is Thanksgiving and also the exact day I go from 11 weeks (shhh) to 12 weeks (I'm pregnant!!!). And I haven't been able to appreciate it all.
Week 12 is supposed to be about the time the baby gets their shit together and starts regulating their own damn hormones. It's supposed to calm my hormones--therefore calming my nausea. All the baby blogs say it! "Those who experience morning sickness in their first trimester typically have those symptoms subside as they go in to their second trimester." That's not a direct quote from one post as it is in ALL posts.
Except for me. I'm one of the "lucky ones" who gets to keep their symptoms in to the 2nd (supposed to be the best) trimester. I only upchucked once up until last night where I heaved all night long. All I could think (besides, I shouldn't have eaten those puffy cheetos) was that I would be the one who's symptoms get worse literally 2 days before Thanksgiving.
Don't get me wrong here...I am so thankful that I made it to 12 weeks. So very thankful that I got to first hear my baby's heartbeat at 10 weeks (which is too early for about half of women) and that I got to get an ultrasound at 11 weeks (got pictures of the little nugget all over my desk). And I'm so happy to finally be a mom. Joe and I are first lucky to have found each other and second lucky to be able to have a baby that we will get to raise and love for the rest of our lives. We're going to be a family and not just a couple!
So even though this is easily the worst experience of my life, it is all canceled out at the end! At least that's what all the mom's keep telling me. "But it will all be worth it when you have that baby!" It's hard to imagine since even though I've seen and heard the baby, I haven't felt it yet. But I know it's in there. And I know it's healthy! Even if the baby blogs can't explain exactly why a woman experiences morning sickness--they all agree that the sicker the mom, the healthier the baby.
So here we are. Me and my baby. I'm miserable. My baby is happy. And this will continue for an undetermined amount of time. And if my baby thinks for one second, when they're hating my guts and telling me I'm the worst mother ever, that I will not remind them how miserable they once made me too...then my baby has another thing coming! I think the best part about being a parent will be reminding my child of every thing I went through to be a good one ;)
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