That's just my life now....
You know what goes really well together? Wine and blogging! Which, coincidentally enough, I'm doing right now. Except I'm bad at both these days!
I used to drink a lot more than I do now. But I can't hang anymore. After giving up alcohol for 10 months during pregnancy...I lost my tolerance. I'm such a lightweight. One bottle of wine and I'm on my ass and then waking up with a headache. But you know what? I'm also a cheap date now.
And obviously I'm bad at blogging. Not writing the blog. I think I do alright there...but keeping up with it. I mean, the last one I wrote was December of last year...sooooo, 11 months ago. I was pregnant and happy/miserable. In my defense, I had a baby.
Oh, right, that thing I wrote several blogs about happened. Successfully I might add. Albeit, having the baby was one of the worst experiences of my life. That, however, is a blog for another day when I'm feeling a bit more masochistic. The tl:dr version is that I was induced and in the hospital for 6 days. And in case you didn't know, being checked for dilation hurts worse than the medically induced labor.
So anyway, I did it. I had my baby! Henry. That's his name. Henry Arnold after my brother, Eller after me, and Rau after Joe. Well I guess me too. I'm a Rau too now. We went off and got hitched in March (Vegas-style). Didn't tell anyone we were doing it. Didn't even know we were doing it until the night before. We went to Minnesota for a friend's wedding and they told us how easy it was to get the license and drunkenly invited us to have our own ceremony after theirs. In the sober light of day, they meant it. So we did it! Just like that.
I was not my most beautiful self. I was 6 months pregnant wearing a LuLaRoe skirt as a dress (which actually was cute on pregnant me, but not bridal in any way). Joe was in a nice shirt and nice jeans. We were freezing. In the middle of a park in St. Paul. Only two people there who knew us. And it was perfect. We may have a ceremony and reception one day when we find a spare 5 grand to throw a decent party...but at least we all have the same last name now.
Anyway...back to that other big thing I did...I had a baby! I still can't believe it. I stare at him every single day and marvel at what a cute fucking miracle he is. It's a miracle he was conceived, it's a miracle he was carried to full term, it's a miracle he was born, it's a miracle he turned out to be so damn cute! I am so lucky in so many ways, but a cute baby is really where it's at.
Now, I'm not trying to brag here, but my baby is really really cute. And it may make me a bad person, or a bad mom, to say this...but not all babies are cute. I mean, all babies are baby cute, but not like Gerber Baby cute. When the genes of two people get together, sometimes the result is awkward. And I may sound like a shallow asshole here, but I am really happy to have a cute baby. It feels good to know all my hard work produced this adorable little offspring. I've had people tell me that sometimes they lie and tell parents their baby is cute, but they really meant it when they told me. And I'm not just saying this...I'll put my money where my mouth is:
The only problem is that right now he looks more like his dad. I was hoping to see some more of my own features since I worked so damn hard making him...but alas he's a Joe mini-me. He's got my square face and double chin. I think he has my eyes, but Joe's got great eyes too...so who knows? I guess there are worse people he could resemble than my wonderful husband.
And don't get me wrong, I'd love my baby regardless of how cute he is...but it makes those middle of the night feedings, screaming in my ear for a bottle, scratching my face with his sharp little baby nails, knocking me in the nose with his hard little head, spitting up on me, pulling my hair, and all around other baby nonsense, just that much easier to handle! Pretty sure that's the point.
I was really hoping I'd be better at blogging during pregnancy and then after the baby was born...but apparently not. It's kind of like working out, the thought of sitting down and typing is daunting...but I really enjoy myself during and then after when I'm done and have a little piece of my life saved forever...and posted on the internet for everyone to read :-P
The one thing I really wanted to convey in this blog, which has really gone nowhere up to this point, is that having a baby really is all it's cracked up to be. While I was pregnant and complaining people would say "but it will all be worth it!" and mentally I'd tell them to shove it, but with a much worse tone and using more foul language.
But they were right. Typically I hate admitting when other people are right...but this is not that case. He is worth it. He was worth every horrible day of "morning" sickness. All those sleepless nights running to the bathroom. The plantar fasciitis I developed. The size my legs and feet became with swelling so bad I had to wear compression socks. The horrible heart burn that woke me up in the middle of the night with hot bile in my throat choking me awake. The lower pelvic pain that felt like I was kicked in the crotch by steel-toed boots that developed early and remained for the rest of the pregnancy. The house I turned in to. And all the weight I still carry with me today. Although that last part really needs to be remedied.
In the end, I was handed this little bundle of adorable who needed me. He needed me, and still needs me, to make sure he has a happy and healthy childhood. It's up to me (and my husband, of course) to help him grow and develop in to a decent human being in this fucked up world. And I watch him grow a little more every single day.
I'll be honest, that unconditional love did not happen for me immediately. Everyone thinks the second you see your baby that you're in love and it's this magical thing. And it is a really big thing, but I'll be the first to admit that I did not just fall in love with my baby. I had just met him. And I loved him in a way, but popping out a baby does not automatically make you this giant being of love and light.
I was miserable actually. It took 4 days for him to come out because he was not ready and the doctor's were forcing him. And that was the worst 4 days of my life. And after he was born I was so tired from not eating or sleeping for 4 days. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I was woken up every 2 fucking hours to breastfeed. Which I hated. It was not easy for me or for him. And the day I was supposed to be released, I didn't eat thinking I'd be leaving, but it took the doctor like 3 goddamn hours to officially discharge me and by that time I was so malnourished that I wanted to die so I was forced to eat and stay for 2 more hours when all I wanted to do was go home.
And when I got home I didn't get any sleep. My husband had to go back to work immediately because our old bosses are assholes. So I let him sleep in our spare room while I spent the first 4 nights home in our room alone with this baby who never wanted to sleep. All he wanted was to eat and I couldn't feed him. I was supposed to feed him every two hours, but it'd take him an hour to feed and an hour to fall asleep, so by the time the next feeding came up, I had not even closed my eyes.
I felt like crap while I was breastfeeding. I was dizzy and dehydrated and miserable for the whole first week. So no, I was not in love with my baby yet. I was not sitting there marveling at my work. I was second guessing why I ever thought becoming a mom was everything I ever wanted. I hated it. I hated every minute of being a mom that first week. And I won't even get in to what was happening to me down below. That was on top of feeling like shit and feeling like I was going to really fail at being a mom.
The day I decided, fuck it, I'm going to use one of these bottles of formula samples I was mailed was probably the first day I was happy again. Putting the bottle in my baby's mouth and successfully feeding him was the first time I felt like I was doing something right. As much as I wanted to breastfeed for all the reasons breastfeeding is the best....I couldn't do it. And the day I realized I didn't have to was the day I decided maybe I could be a mom.
Switching to formula allowed my husband to feed the baby too. That helped a lot! We got to share that responsibility. I was on maternity leave so I stayed up with the kid during the weeknights, but my husband took Friday and Saturday. That helped too. And I began making sure I was eating well and drinking enough water and I downed ibuprofen (which I could finally take again) and somewhere in the 2nd or 3rd week I started feeling normal again.
By the 4th or 5th week the bleeding was done, the peeing with the squirt bottle was done, most of the pain of the stitches was gone, and I was almost back to the old me. I was slowly beginning to get my body and hormones back under control. And it wasn't until this time that I realized that I had a baby and I loved my baby and I was going to be able to handle this mom stuff. But I don't think I had hit that unconditional, I would do anything for you no matter what it does to me, feeling for a few months.
I know that may come as a surprise to some, but I had to fall in love with my baby the same way I had to fall in love with my husband. I loved him as a being, as a person I had to take care of, of course I did. And I can't really pin point the moment that I looked down at his little face and thought--I will do anything in my power to make sure you are happy and healthy--but I know it did finally come. And it does a little bit more every day.
Every single day I fall a little more in love with my baby. When they're first born, all they do is sleep, eat, poop, sleep, and sleep some more. They don't make faces. They don't laugh. They don't talk. They don't do anything but exist. As cute as he was as a newborn, I still thought he looked a little like a tiny monkey. As his face began to fill out, his eyes began to brighten, and his smile found its way to his mouth.
Sometimes I'll hold him up and we'll be making faces and noises at each other and my heart twists in happiness and my eyes water. Hell, they're watering right now just thinking about it. My entire life I wanted to be a mother, but I had no idea what that meant. While I had a really healthy pregnancy (despite being old and overweight), my labor was hard, my delivery was hard, my recovery was hard, and going back to work was the worst.
I was not prepared for all the sacrifices I was going to make to become a mom. I lost my body (not that it was great before, but it's now 60 pounds heavier). I can't fit in to any of my clothes and had to buy an entire wardrobe to start my new job. I never look in the mirror and like what I see anymore. Very rarely do I feel pretty. I can't remember the last time I felt sexy. I used to work out all the time. Now I pay $20 a month to carry a Planet Fitness scan key.
I lost my social life. I made friends younger than me back when I was single and childless because they were the only single/childless people I knew. But now I don't see them anymore. I don't get invited to hang out with them anymore. When we do make plans, they usually fall apart. None of them have even met my baby yet. Slowly they are becoming to me what my friends who became moms early in life were to me after they had kids.
I lost my money. Not all of it, but most of it. I used to drop $120 on my hair, no problem. I used to buy clothes whenever I wanted. Shoes. Makeup. Perfume. Dinner. Drinks. Whatever I wanted. My wallet was padded with at least $1000 at all times. I have had to dig in to my savings more times than I like. Part of that is because my old bosses are assholes and I lost an entire check out on maternity leave...but if I had never had a kid, I wouldn't have been on unpaid leave.
Not to mention the sleep, the freedom to go wherever, whenever, being able to shop alone, go to the gym, drive to work with just enough time to get there, feed only myself, get drunk whenevs, visit people, travel.
My looks, my life, my money...all gone. So why would anyone become a parent? I had this great life where I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Why would anyone give that up? It's a fair question. Some people answer it with, "I'm not going to." And that's just fine. It's a great life to have no responsibility to anyone other than yourself. I'm not going to deny it because I lived it for so very long. And I didn't need a man. I didn't need a baby. I could've gone on wonderful vacations and lived in really nice places. Gone out on the weekend and danced until 2am. Flirted with the Uber driver and maybe gotten his number. I could have continued on with that life and been happy. No doubt.
But then I met this incredible man. And we had this wonderful baby. I found places in my heart I didn't even know existed. I found this love I always read was real, but never actually believed existed. I hadn't seen it, felt it, heard it, tasted it. And then one day I did. One day this man came in to my life and didn't want to leave. And we decided we wanted to have a family. And Henry joined us. As you can tell from the rest of this blog, it wasn't a pretty or magical trip...but the destination has been the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I never knew I could love two people as much as I do my husband and my baby. I love my family fiercely, but then I made my own family and I realized what all the hype was about. I am a writer and I can't even put in to words the feeling I get every time I hold my baby and he smiles at me. There are literally no words.
My heart bursts with love. My whole being just knows that this is what I was waiting for my entire life. Yes, personal success in school and at work is really important. I am proud of all the accomplishments I've done for myself. The years of hard work have put me in a comfortable place financially and things will only get better as I move up in my career. Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean all of a sudden my career doesn't matter. But my career and the money I make only matters because it helps me live my life with my family.
Michael J. Fox is quoted as saying "Family is not an important thing, it is everything." And it is, it really is. It's everything I dreamed it would be, but I couldn't even dream this, this is so much more! I did well in school so that I'd have a successful career one day. And I spent my 20's and early 30's partying like there was no tomorrow so that when the day came to settle down and start a family, I'd be ready. I wouldn't feel like I didn't live or I missed out on something.
Settling down and having a family isn't for everyone, but it was for me. I'm finally understanding what everyone else was saying. I understand why parents bond with other parents just because they've "been there." If a baby screams at Target, I don't think "get that kid out of here" I think "sounds like someone needs a bottle." I know now what it's like to be on the other side. I get it.
Women don't talk about the horrors of pregnancy because even though they know how terrible it is, there's no point in scaring the newly pregnant mom. And they also know that at some point, you do forget. Because all that hell is replaced with happiness. It really is worth it in the end. Yes, it can be hell, but man...it's so much better than you ever imagined it could ever be when your baby wraps their little chubby arms around your neck and plants an open-mouthed kiss on your cheek. It doesn't matter that you pushed for 3 hours and had him pulled out with forceps. He's your whole world now and making sure he grows up is all that matters.
As cliche as it sounds, having a baby really is the best thing I've ever done in my life. And I'm not ashamed to admit that because now I know what it means. I used to think it was a little sad that some women lived to have babies. Thought it was sad that they didn't care about being successful as long as they were a mom. I felt sorry for women who's only goal in life was to be barefoot and pregnant. But you know what? I get it now. It's not the only success in my life, but it's the one that counts the most to me.
Watching Henry grow will be a big part of my life's happiness. My husband and my baby are the most important thing in my life. I'm okay that things aren't the way they used to be because now they are so much more! I'm okay staying home on a Saturday night drinking wine and cry-blogging about how much I love my baby and my husband and my life in general. I am incredibly lucky and thankful. This month is Thanksgiving. I announced my pregnancy on Thanksgiving day last year and the year following has changed my life forever. It's taken me awhile to get on here and say so. But I finally did. And if you made it this far, I thank you for also being a part of it.
I'm not crying, you are. No, I'm crying. Some of that may be the wine, some of it may be the mom-hormones, but that's just my life now. And I couldn't be happier!
I used to drink a lot more than I do now. But I can't hang anymore. After giving up alcohol for 10 months during pregnancy...I lost my tolerance. I'm such a lightweight. One bottle of wine and I'm on my ass and then waking up with a headache. But you know what? I'm also a cheap date now.
And obviously I'm bad at blogging. Not writing the blog. I think I do alright there...but keeping up with it. I mean, the last one I wrote was December of last year...sooooo, 11 months ago. I was pregnant and happy/miserable. In my defense, I had a baby.
Oh, right, that thing I wrote several blogs about happened. Successfully I might add. Albeit, having the baby was one of the worst experiences of my life. That, however, is a blog for another day when I'm feeling a bit more masochistic. The tl:dr version is that I was induced and in the hospital for 6 days. And in case you didn't know, being checked for dilation hurts worse than the medically induced labor.
So anyway, I did it. I had my baby! Henry. That's his name. Henry Arnold after my brother, Eller after me, and Rau after Joe. Well I guess me too. I'm a Rau too now. We went off and got hitched in March (Vegas-style). Didn't tell anyone we were doing it. Didn't even know we were doing it until the night before. We went to Minnesota for a friend's wedding and they told us how easy it was to get the license and drunkenly invited us to have our own ceremony after theirs. In the sober light of day, they meant it. So we did it! Just like that.
I was not my most beautiful self. I was 6 months pregnant wearing a LuLaRoe skirt as a dress (which actually was cute on pregnant me, but not bridal in any way). Joe was in a nice shirt and nice jeans. We were freezing. In the middle of a park in St. Paul. Only two people there who knew us. And it was perfect. We may have a ceremony and reception one day when we find a spare 5 grand to throw a decent party...but at least we all have the same last name now.
Anyway...back to that other big thing I did...I had a baby! I still can't believe it. I stare at him every single day and marvel at what a cute fucking miracle he is. It's a miracle he was conceived, it's a miracle he was carried to full term, it's a miracle he was born, it's a miracle he turned out to be so damn cute! I am so lucky in so many ways, but a cute baby is really where it's at.
Now, I'm not trying to brag here, but my baby is really really cute. And it may make me a bad person, or a bad mom, to say this...but not all babies are cute. I mean, all babies are baby cute, but not like Gerber Baby cute. When the genes of two people get together, sometimes the result is awkward. And I may sound like a shallow asshole here, but I am really happy to have a cute baby. It feels good to know all my hard work produced this adorable little offspring. I've had people tell me that sometimes they lie and tell parents their baby is cute, but they really meant it when they told me. And I'm not just saying this...I'll put my money where my mouth is:
And don't get me wrong, I'd love my baby regardless of how cute he is...but it makes those middle of the night feedings, screaming in my ear for a bottle, scratching my face with his sharp little baby nails, knocking me in the nose with his hard little head, spitting up on me, pulling my hair, and all around other baby nonsense, just that much easier to handle! Pretty sure that's the point.
The one thing I really wanted to convey in this blog, which has really gone nowhere up to this point, is that having a baby really is all it's cracked up to be. While I was pregnant and complaining people would say "but it will all be worth it!" and mentally I'd tell them to shove it, but with a much worse tone and using more foul language.
But they were right. Typically I hate admitting when other people are right...but this is not that case. He is worth it. He was worth every horrible day of "morning" sickness. All those sleepless nights running to the bathroom. The plantar fasciitis I developed. The size my legs and feet became with swelling so bad I had to wear compression socks. The horrible heart burn that woke me up in the middle of the night with hot bile in my throat choking me awake. The lower pelvic pain that felt like I was kicked in the crotch by steel-toed boots that developed early and remained for the rest of the pregnancy. The house I turned in to. And all the weight I still carry with me today. Although that last part really needs to be remedied.
In the end, I was handed this little bundle of adorable who needed me. He needed me, and still needs me, to make sure he has a happy and healthy childhood. It's up to me (and my husband, of course) to help him grow and develop in to a decent human being in this fucked up world. And I watch him grow a little more every single day.
I'll be honest, that unconditional love did not happen for me immediately. Everyone thinks the second you see your baby that you're in love and it's this magical thing. And it is a really big thing, but I'll be the first to admit that I did not just fall in love with my baby. I had just met him. And I loved him in a way, but popping out a baby does not automatically make you this giant being of love and light.
I was miserable actually. It took 4 days for him to come out because he was not ready and the doctor's were forcing him. And that was the worst 4 days of my life. And after he was born I was so tired from not eating or sleeping for 4 days. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I was woken up every 2 fucking hours to breastfeed. Which I hated. It was not easy for me or for him. And the day I was supposed to be released, I didn't eat thinking I'd be leaving, but it took the doctor like 3 goddamn hours to officially discharge me and by that time I was so malnourished that I wanted to die so I was forced to eat and stay for 2 more hours when all I wanted to do was go home.
And when I got home I didn't get any sleep. My husband had to go back to work immediately because our old bosses are assholes. So I let him sleep in our spare room while I spent the first 4 nights home in our room alone with this baby who never wanted to sleep. All he wanted was to eat and I couldn't feed him. I was supposed to feed him every two hours, but it'd take him an hour to feed and an hour to fall asleep, so by the time the next feeding came up, I had not even closed my eyes.
I felt like crap while I was breastfeeding. I was dizzy and dehydrated and miserable for the whole first week. So no, I was not in love with my baby yet. I was not sitting there marveling at my work. I was second guessing why I ever thought becoming a mom was everything I ever wanted. I hated it. I hated every minute of being a mom that first week. And I won't even get in to what was happening to me down below. That was on top of feeling like shit and feeling like I was going to really fail at being a mom.
The day I decided, fuck it, I'm going to use one of these bottles of formula samples I was mailed was probably the first day I was happy again. Putting the bottle in my baby's mouth and successfully feeding him was the first time I felt like I was doing something right. As much as I wanted to breastfeed for all the reasons breastfeeding is the best....I couldn't do it. And the day I realized I didn't have to was the day I decided maybe I could be a mom.
Switching to formula allowed my husband to feed the baby too. That helped a lot! We got to share that responsibility. I was on maternity leave so I stayed up with the kid during the weeknights, but my husband took Friday and Saturday. That helped too. And I began making sure I was eating well and drinking enough water and I downed ibuprofen (which I could finally take again) and somewhere in the 2nd or 3rd week I started feeling normal again.
By the 4th or 5th week the bleeding was done, the peeing with the squirt bottle was done, most of the pain of the stitches was gone, and I was almost back to the old me. I was slowly beginning to get my body and hormones back under control. And it wasn't until this time that I realized that I had a baby and I loved my baby and I was going to be able to handle this mom stuff. But I don't think I had hit that unconditional, I would do anything for you no matter what it does to me, feeling for a few months.
I know that may come as a surprise to some, but I had to fall in love with my baby the same way I had to fall in love with my husband. I loved him as a being, as a person I had to take care of, of course I did. And I can't really pin point the moment that I looked down at his little face and thought--I will do anything in my power to make sure you are happy and healthy--but I know it did finally come. And it does a little bit more every day.
Every single day I fall a little more in love with my baby. When they're first born, all they do is sleep, eat, poop, sleep, and sleep some more. They don't make faces. They don't laugh. They don't talk. They don't do anything but exist. As cute as he was as a newborn, I still thought he looked a little like a tiny monkey. As his face began to fill out, his eyes began to brighten, and his smile found its way to his mouth.
Sometimes I'll hold him up and we'll be making faces and noises at each other and my heart twists in happiness and my eyes water. Hell, they're watering right now just thinking about it. My entire life I wanted to be a mother, but I had no idea what that meant. While I had a really healthy pregnancy (despite being old and overweight), my labor was hard, my delivery was hard, my recovery was hard, and going back to work was the worst.
I was not prepared for all the sacrifices I was going to make to become a mom. I lost my body (not that it was great before, but it's now 60 pounds heavier). I can't fit in to any of my clothes and had to buy an entire wardrobe to start my new job. I never look in the mirror and like what I see anymore. Very rarely do I feel pretty. I can't remember the last time I felt sexy. I used to work out all the time. Now I pay $20 a month to carry a Planet Fitness scan key.
I lost my social life. I made friends younger than me back when I was single and childless because they were the only single/childless people I knew. But now I don't see them anymore. I don't get invited to hang out with them anymore. When we do make plans, they usually fall apart. None of them have even met my baby yet. Slowly they are becoming to me what my friends who became moms early in life were to me after they had kids.
I lost my money. Not all of it, but most of it. I used to drop $120 on my hair, no problem. I used to buy clothes whenever I wanted. Shoes. Makeup. Perfume. Dinner. Drinks. Whatever I wanted. My wallet was padded with at least $1000 at all times. I have had to dig in to my savings more times than I like. Part of that is because my old bosses are assholes and I lost an entire check out on maternity leave...but if I had never had a kid, I wouldn't have been on unpaid leave.
Not to mention the sleep, the freedom to go wherever, whenever, being able to shop alone, go to the gym, drive to work with just enough time to get there, feed only myself, get drunk whenevs, visit people, travel.
My looks, my life, my money...all gone. So why would anyone become a parent? I had this great life where I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Why would anyone give that up? It's a fair question. Some people answer it with, "I'm not going to." And that's just fine. It's a great life to have no responsibility to anyone other than yourself. I'm not going to deny it because I lived it for so very long. And I didn't need a man. I didn't need a baby. I could've gone on wonderful vacations and lived in really nice places. Gone out on the weekend and danced until 2am. Flirted with the Uber driver and maybe gotten his number. I could have continued on with that life and been happy. No doubt.
But then I met this incredible man. And we had this wonderful baby. I found places in my heart I didn't even know existed. I found this love I always read was real, but never actually believed existed. I hadn't seen it, felt it, heard it, tasted it. And then one day I did. One day this man came in to my life and didn't want to leave. And we decided we wanted to have a family. And Henry joined us. As you can tell from the rest of this blog, it wasn't a pretty or magical trip...but the destination has been the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I never knew I could love two people as much as I do my husband and my baby. I love my family fiercely, but then I made my own family and I realized what all the hype was about. I am a writer and I can't even put in to words the feeling I get every time I hold my baby and he smiles at me. There are literally no words.
My heart bursts with love. My whole being just knows that this is what I was waiting for my entire life. Yes, personal success in school and at work is really important. I am proud of all the accomplishments I've done for myself. The years of hard work have put me in a comfortable place financially and things will only get better as I move up in my career. Just because I'm a mom doesn't mean all of a sudden my career doesn't matter. But my career and the money I make only matters because it helps me live my life with my family.
Michael J. Fox is quoted as saying "Family is not an important thing, it is everything." And it is, it really is. It's everything I dreamed it would be, but I couldn't even dream this, this is so much more! I did well in school so that I'd have a successful career one day. And I spent my 20's and early 30's partying like there was no tomorrow so that when the day came to settle down and start a family, I'd be ready. I wouldn't feel like I didn't live or I missed out on something.
Settling down and having a family isn't for everyone, but it was for me. I'm finally understanding what everyone else was saying. I understand why parents bond with other parents just because they've "been there." If a baby screams at Target, I don't think "get that kid out of here" I think "sounds like someone needs a bottle." I know now what it's like to be on the other side. I get it.
Women don't talk about the horrors of pregnancy because even though they know how terrible it is, there's no point in scaring the newly pregnant mom. And they also know that at some point, you do forget. Because all that hell is replaced with happiness. It really is worth it in the end. Yes, it can be hell, but man...it's so much better than you ever imagined it could ever be when your baby wraps their little chubby arms around your neck and plants an open-mouthed kiss on your cheek. It doesn't matter that you pushed for 3 hours and had him pulled out with forceps. He's your whole world now and making sure he grows up is all that matters.
As cliche as it sounds, having a baby really is the best thing I've ever done in my life. And I'm not ashamed to admit that because now I know what it means. I used to think it was a little sad that some women lived to have babies. Thought it was sad that they didn't care about being successful as long as they were a mom. I felt sorry for women who's only goal in life was to be barefoot and pregnant. But you know what? I get it now. It's not the only success in my life, but it's the one that counts the most to me.
Watching Henry grow will be a big part of my life's happiness. My husband and my baby are the most important thing in my life. I'm okay that things aren't the way they used to be because now they are so much more! I'm okay staying home on a Saturday night drinking wine and cry-blogging about how much I love my baby and my husband and my life in general. I am incredibly lucky and thankful. This month is Thanksgiving. I announced my pregnancy on Thanksgiving day last year and the year following has changed my life forever. It's taken me awhile to get on here and say so. But I finally did. And if you made it this far, I thank you for also being a part of it.
I'm not crying, you are. No, I'm crying. Some of that may be the wine, some of it may be the mom-hormones, but that's just my life now. And I couldn't be happier!
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