...ours is my favorite.
My love story starts out on a cold day in March, 1982.....I was born...
Naw, just kidding, we don't have to go back that far. You could say though that I was born to fall in love. My star sign is Pisces, and if you believe in that hooey, then you know that my sign is the most romantic of the zodiac! I have spent my entire adult life chasing the idea that romantic love is real and I was going to find it no matter what. Spoiler alert! I did find it. It wasn't easy, like ever, but what it was is magical and wonderful and all I hoped it would ever be.
Joe and I met by happenstance. Or was it fate? Depending on your vocabulary, and level of cynicism, I suppose you can decide for yourself if it was coincidence or if it was meant to be! Of course the lover in me chooses fate.
Our lives collided one August night in 2014. A sorority sister of mine, who I had met only once at a brunch for the Madison ladies of Delta Phi Epsilon, had put up a desperate Facebook post for a last minute baby sitter. Hers had canceled and she had a rare opportunity to go out with her husband to a Mallard's game for the first time in a long time. I'm not sure what made me respond, again, I barely knew her. Maybe it was my maternal instincts...
I responded that even though I was single, I was also a great babysitter! I am the oldest daughter of 5 kids with the biggest age gaps coming after I was born so I have done my fair share of kid-watching. This also just happened to be a night I didn't have plans, so why not help a sister out? I'm not sure if it was my impressive brunch stories of single-dom, or if she trusted me based on the Greek letters I wear, but either way she agreed!
The night went off without a hitch. I must admit, babies love me! I'm really great with kids and I had a good time. It was late when they got home. I had been falling asleep off and on to whatever was on TV. They had been driven home by their friend and he came downstairs to the TV room with her. Not sure why, maybe just to be introduced.
I noticed right away that he cute. My type in the looks department for sure! And of course, I was not dressed in anything fancy. Barely had on makeup. Don't remember if I had even done my hair. I said hello. I think he thanked me for watching the kid so his friends could go out, but then he went back up the stairs to hang out with her husband and drink in the garage. It was a very short meeting. Little did we know at the time that we'd both end up replaying it over and over.
After I got home that night I noticed Joe and I were both tagged in her Facebook status. Jack pot! I was definitely hoping I'd see him again some day. We commented back and forth--something about dirty diapers--and that was it. I stalked his Facebook page, obviously, and realized there was a woman. At least lots of pics of him and someone I assumed to be his girl friend. At that point I gave up, but every now and again I'd see him post something on her page and I'd give it a quick click to see if I could deduce any life changes!
Me: I moved on. I had been online dating at the time so I picked up where I left off and continued to go on bad date after bad date. I dated a few guys for a month here or there, but things always ended. That December I met someone I thought was totally amazing. He and I went on two dates, one after the other, and I was in it! We spent time together every week. You couldn't call what we had a "relationship" per say, but I fell for him all the same. I have multiple past blogs referring to him and to us. It was a pretty great time and also a pretty terrible one.
He was never getting married (again) and didn't have time (now) for a relationship. He had been opening a restaurant downtown when we first met and over the course of our, whatever, it opened and he worked ridiculous hours. So I convinced myself I was good with our setup. Maybe I wouldn't ever get married! I mean, I had been dating for years and this was the best thing I had come across up until then. Maybe I just had to resign myself to just dating guys forever and never finding "the one." It must be total crap. People in love were faking it. No one ever stays together. Everyone settles for less than what they want just to have someone...etc...etc...
But many friends helped me to see I shouldn't settle for what he was offering if I wanted more. If I wanted marriage, then by golly I should keep looking! So I did. I fired up my Tinder app and started swiping again. Only with half a heart, but I was still "out there."
And then one day in May 2015 I came across a picture I knew all too well. It was Joe. I recognized him right away from all the Facebook stalking I had done previously. Look who's single, I thought! Guess there's no time like the present. I messaged him under the guise that we had friends in common. I played dumb like I didn't know who he was when I knew full well who I was reaching out to...but what if he forgot about me?
Him: it's not fair that Joe is not here to tell his side, but I'll paraphrase in a way that makes me look great! As Joe has told me, he was already mentally out of his 4 year relationship the night we met. He said the second he saw me he knew there was something special about me. But, alas, he was living with his current girlfriend and honestly was pretty complacent. Even though he knew he wasn't happy--he was in school and working and busy all the time not being in the relationship to deal with leaving it.
He tells me that he was not happy the entire last year, but you know how it is when the relationship is over before the lease is. He also tells me that despite his relationship status, he still would wonder about "the babysitter" and ask about me every now and again. Of course I was off gallivanting and sharing it all over Facebook so I know our mutual friend probably didn't see me as the greatest idea for him.
But then the day came where his girlfriend made other living arrangements. And boy am I glad that the straw that broke the camel's back happened for him, the same time it happened for me. While he was getting busy leaving his bad situation...I was busy trying to leave mine! And that was when he joined Tinder. And that is when he got his message from me...
We went on our first date that third week in May. It was a random day, a Tuesday maybe. We met at Erin's Irish Snug on American Parkway. I came after work. He was already sitting at the bar. I thought it was weird that he didn't get a table, but I wasn't opposed to sitting at the bar--we would just have our entire conversation not looking at each other is all!
Our date went well, I suppose. We stayed for about four hours--drinks turned in to dinner. We talked about everything! Scratch that, I mostly talked. He was mostly awkward. I couldn't get over how he sounded exactly like a coworker I despised, but he was sweet. Offering up a friend of his to teach me guitar, which I had said I always wanted to learn. He mentioned a Wisconsin cheeseburger road trip he was interested in going on and would love me to go with him. I mentioned I wanted to get married and have kids and hadn't found the one yet.
Honestly the rest is a blur until we left. We walked out and stood on the sidewalk. Said the usual "well I had a great time, text me if you want to do this again sometime..." and then I went in for the hug. He wasn't ready or expecting it and so he sort of gave me a half awkward hug and shuffled away. I would love to say that it was love at first site for me, but I was pretty meh about the entire thing.
I had gone on many similar dates and even better ones where the conversation flowed and the jokes were high. This one was a bit blah compared to them. He was fresh out of a relationship. So fresh he hadn't even moved out yet. He was finishing school and working at a job he hated that didn't pay well. I have already established myself. Had a great job, a great place, great friends, great everything...except a shitty man-situation. On paper he just wasn't what I was looking for. And he wasn't ready for me. He wasn't ready for what I needed. He was too quiet and too awkward.
So of course I went on date two.
We went to the movies. I avoided touching him at all costs--didn't want to give him the wrong idea because he seemed really in to me. He had been sending me messages that I was exactly who he was looking for and he thought we'd be good together. I wasn't convinced, but thought maybe another chance was in order. After the movie, I bailed. I wasn't ready for what he was offering me. I was still half in it with the other guy. It came down to--why try something I'm not sure of when I have this other guy I'm sure of?
Things cooled for June and July. Once or twice Joe checked in with me (usually drunkenly) to see if I was done with the other guy and free to date. I had used him as a crutch to not see Joe anymore. Thought it was easier to say I was in a relationship than to admit that he just wasn't what I was looking for at all. I liked him as a person, but romantically was not at all interested. I was sure I needed someone with qualities A, B, and C...not D, E, and F.
He messaged me once to tell me he had gotten a better job! Thought maybe it'd make me change my mind about his situation. It didn't.
One night he had a bunch of beer in system, giving him the liquid courage to basically put it all on the line. I was it for him, I was the woman he wanted to be the mother of his children! I was exactly what he was looking for and he was exactly what I needed. He could be for me what no other man, the one I was presently seeing included, would be for me. While I admired his tenacity, I was convinced he was wrong! I needed other things, things he couldn't provide. I was happy with this other guy. The other guy made me laugh! Joe and I were always so awkward together.
So I continued on lying to myself that I was just fine as is, meanwhile, Joe had pretty much given up on me. But we were not done. Our fates were waiting again for the right moment to bring us together again. It just so happened that it was another August night, almost a year after we had met the first time, that we found ourselves intertwined yet again with our mutual friend and the Mallards!
This time the season was over and they were having their Ducktoberfest. Just an excuse to get people out to the ball field to drink. Joe had to work that day, but I attended with our now mutual friends--who I had hung out with a couple times watching Packer games and such. Joe was set to come pick everyone up and drive them home, again. The story sounds familiar--only this time I was with them instead of home watching their kid.
I'll admit, even though I had thought I was done with that chapter of my life, I kept watching the entrance to the field for when Joe arrived. When he finally came through the gate I was interested. We didn't talk. He sat right across from me, having resigned himself that our chances were now over, and said nothing to me the entire time.
The walk back to the cars included an invite for a bonfire. Never one to turn down a summer bonfire I quickly accepted the invite. Plus, I wanted to see where this Joe thing was going...
Our night was pretty okay. He finally started talking to me because he finally started drinking. It was decided that I could stay in the spare room and continue drinking, so that's what I did! Joe was still living with them at the time so he had his own room there. I thought the night might finally get interesting!
Things got interesting about the time the night was winding down. We were all sitting in the dark around the fire telling stories and I get a text. I looked at it and it was from Joe saying "You look beautiful tonight." Looking back I know I questioned his judgement assuming it was the beer talking again...but it's so hard to put myself in to that skeptical place. I was so cynical, I couldn't even accept an outright compliment without questioning it!
Long story short, at the end of the night I found myself messaging Joe from the air mattress in the basement while he was upstairs in his room. One thing led to another...now, now, you calm down...I'm a lady...and Joe found himself getting invited down to my room to talk. That's it!
I decided we needed to address him and I as a thing...as a for real thing...not just casually going on dates and me then turning him down. I explained what I could of my current situation and told him I was willing to go ahead and give this--whatever it might be--a shot. And then he asked me if he could kiss me. And so I said yes. I finally let down my guard and let him in...to the sounds of his visiting friend snoring from the other room...
Now I'd love to say that the rest is history. But as all good love stories go...we had some rough patches along the way because, as much as I thought I was ready for love, I wasn't. We dated pretty regularly throughout September going out to movies, staying in and watching movies, you know the deal. But I still felt like I was forcing the Joe-thing to happen because it seemed like a good idea. I mean, he really really liked me!
I was tired of being in limbo so I decided to let myself try and enjoy being with Joe for real. Even though he kept telling me he wanted to be everything I needed, I still didn't think he was what I wanted. But just the same I made it "official on Facebook" at the end of September. Joe was buying me expense chocolates and flower bouquets. He was telling me how beautiful I was every day. He was telling me over and over that I was amazing and he wanted to give me everything and be everything.
Meanwhile, I was being an asshat. I was brushing off his words as if he didn't really mean them. I mean, how could he? He barely knew me! How could he know I was "the one" when I barely liked him back? How could he be so sure I was so amazing when no other guy I had ever dated ever told me so? There had to be something wrong with him, right? How could he feel so strongly for me already? I was barely breaking down barriers I had built years before to avoid letting anyone get in to my heart. How could he know my heart so well when I barely knew it myself?
I had to let him go. That was it. I recognized myself in Joe. I saw how I had been in the last "thing" I was in where I was completely enamored with him and he just kept me around because I kept showing up! I saw Joe catch the feelings and I knew I didn't feel the same way. Wasn't this what had been happening to me since birth? I was ALWAYS the person who fell first and fell hard. I am used to being the one who gives more than they get. And I wasn't going to do to Joe what every man before him had done to me. I had to say goodbye.
The night he came over to my place to grab his stuff and return my apartment key...oiy! Just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. How defeated he was when he walked through the door. The look on his face as I handed over the plastic bag of his things. The sound of his voice when I asked him if he wanted to stay and talk about things and the wetness in his eyes as he said no it would just make things worse, and left.
I sat on my couch and cried long and hard. What have I done? What is wrong with me? Why do things keep ending? Why can't I just find the right guy? Why do I keep finding all the wrong ones?
To convince myself I was over the situation I spent one more night with the other guy. I texted him after not talking to him for a couple months and he gladly accepted my text and invited me over. I drove to his place with hope in my heart that I had made the right choice. Yes. This was what I wanted. Even though he wouldn't commit to me, or go out in public with me, or introduce me to anyone in his life, or take me to his restaurant, or even come to my place anymore at this point--this is who I wanted. We had so much fun together! Our chemistry was electric. We were the same kind of person. He had all the qualities I wanted.
Walking in to his place was weird. He had recently moved so it was only my second time there. It was different. We hung out and talked and I told the story of yet another failed attempt at love. I explained that I just didn't think I was cut out for it and he says "You've got the right idea now!" Just casually hook up until you die, right? That sounds awesome.
But it wasn't. I didn't want to be there anymore, so I left. On the drive home my car tire pressure light went on. That's when I noticed the papers in my windshield. I pulled in to a shady E. Wash gas station and got out. My entire front passenger tire was flattened and I had two nasty notes written to me about being an asshole and taking up two parking spots. In my defense, it was empty when I got there and it's just a gravel lot with no lines so I no idea what was considered a "spot."
"Okay Universe, I get it!" I yelled as I inflated my tire. That was a bad idea. I should never have gone. I promise I won't go back. Just please don't punish me anymore!
Shortly after that I had a Garth Brooks concert. I spent the entire drive to Milwaukee with my sisters going over my situation. Should I get back together with Joe? Am I crazy? What do I do? The short of it, was, yes...I was crazy! During Garth's love songs my mind instantly went to Joe. I wished he was there with me at that moment and I realized if I had invited him, he would've been! He didn't want to keep me locked up in his apartment one night a week like the other guy. He wanted me everywhere, all the time! At home, in public, with his friends, with his family...
He wanted me as is, he thought I was perfect, he wanted to be perfect for me! Why was I fighting it? Why could I not get past these thoughts that he wasn't the one for me? Is it because truly we weren't compatible or was I getting in my own damn way?
Yes, it was the latter.
Something inside me just snapped on! I realized that he WAS everything I was looking for, I just didn't know it at the time. I thought I wanted someone like me--loud, outgoing, charming, hilarious, entertaining...but those guys, well, those guys are usually assholes who steal the spotlight from me. Joe didn't want to talk over every story I told like the last guy did, he wanted to listen to everything I said. He wasn't so busy telling his own jokes to laugh at mine. He wanted to give me all of his time and effort instead of just what it took to keep me coming back week after week.
He wanted to give me his forever and finally I realized that I wanted to give him mine.
The rest of the story is pretty much laid out on Facebook with messages and posts and pics and the like. Anyone who hasn't blocked me yet knows how blissfully happy we are together. Once I let him break down my walls, I fell so hard for him it scared me!
He told me he loved me probably sooner than most people tell that to each other. But it was the only time in my entire life that any man had ever said those words to me and whether or not I was entirely ready to...I said it back! And I made him say it over and over and over again. It was one of those magical moments that only happens in the movies.
And he's made me happier than I've ever been every single day since!
We moved in together, we're building a life together, we talk about marriage and family and how many kids we want. We talk about the house we're going to live in and the things we're going to do. We plan our future in a way I have never planned a future before.
He is my new best friend. I tell him everything. I am more myself with him than I think I have ever been with anyone else! In as much as we are the same, we are different, so things around here are never dull. We enjoy almost every minute we're together and that is not just me blowing smoke up your ass...we seriously can't get enough of each other in the way that makes most people roll their eyes and say "Eww gross!"
In short, he's everything I ever needed and never knew I wanted!
I am thankful every day that he never really gave up. Ever since that very first day we met entirely by accident (fate?)...he tells me he always had me in the back of his mind. He never forgot. He never fully gave up because he knew he wanted me...that was it!
He took me back when I realized I was being a giant fool. I can never apologize enough for the stupid things I said and did...but that's the great thing about him, he doesn't hold it against me. While it something of a running joke between us...you know, that time we had our "Ross & Rachel Break"...he doesn't make me feel like crap about it in a way that most people would hold against someone.
He is the most wonderful man I have ever met. He is better at loving me than I am at loving him and that makes me love him more. Even when I'm being a cranky, moody, pms-ing witch, he still calls me beautiful and kisses me goodnight. Our fights end quickly because neither of us can stand to be mad at the other for long. And that's the great thing...we do fight! because we're both stubborn passionate fools at times...but we learn more about each other that way and learn how to disagree and still love each other.
This is all new for me as I've never really been in love. Joe tells me he's thought he was in love before, he's said it to multiple women, moved in with them, lived out years-long relationships...but that none of them compare to me. And honestly there is no comparison to him because he's the only man in my life who has proved to me that they're not all the same.
He is my first love and I am his last love. While all love stories are beautiful...ours is my favorite.
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