My year of online dating: guys five and six

108.  That's how many views my last blog post got since I posted it.  All of a sudden my blog is over 10,000 views total.  That's a lot!  Wow.  I mean, it could just be the same ten people clicking on it 1,000 times...but hey, traffic is traffic.  If only I could make money writing...

*Sigh*

So you're not here to listen to me gloat about how awesome I am...or...are you?  Naw, you want the juicy stuff.  And boy do I have it.  I would like to remind you that these men are in no particular order as I have lost my ability to keep them all straight.  It's not that I have that many it's that my memory just sucks that bad.  So, to pick up where I left off...

Guy #5: The Nice Guy
Too nice maybe?  So nice that I feel bad even writing about him because he very well may read this.  But even if he never read it, I still wouldn't have anything bad to say about him.  I met him...online...but not in the way you're thinking.  A sorority sister of mine had been reading my updates on Facebook about all my dates and seeing what a hard time I was having.  Now, I had never met her, but we'd been Facebook friends for years so it wasn't weird when she messaged me one day and said had a friend she thought I might want to meet.

Now, no one ever thinks to set me up.  Maybe they think I'm a maneater and will break the heart of their very best guy friend.  But I pretty much always think that I'm just not the girl people think to set up on dates.  I picture those cute petite little brunette friends being the ones that are always set up.  Whenever someone has suggested I meet someone--they always turn out to be the big fat guy who hangs with their boyfriend who is just so gross no woman wants him.  Or the ugly guy who hangs out with their boyfriend who is just so gross no woman wants him.  Basically I feel like they think I must be so desperate that I'd settle for the leftover guy.  Every group of good-looking guys has the one guy who's been their friend since they were kids but is just a real shit show of a human being and always stays single.  This is the guy people usually think to set me up with...because...hey, we're both single!  It's like trying to fix up the two gay guys you know because hey, they're both gay.  Ugh...

Well I was hesitant when she said the best man at her wedding was 29 and single.  She said he hadn't dated in a few years and wasn't really putting himself out there to meet a lot of women because he was a little shy, but a really great guy who deserves someone great.  I was flattered that someone she thought so highly of, she also thought I should meet.  For once it wasn't the bloated, beer guzzling, hairy gut guy.

*For the record, just because I'm not skinny does not mean I like big men.  Two big people do not work well together.  Someone has to be normal sized...or close to it.  Every big guy I've ever been with has sucked in the sack because he's too big, can't breathe, can't maneuver, always has to be on the bottom, and runs out of energy real quick...and honestly, this girl won't waste time on that shit.  I do 90 minutes of cardio at the gym...I may not be skinny and as easily bendable as some of those twigs out there...but to hell if I'm going to sacrifice rounds 2 and 3 to the premature stages of heart disease!  Sorry...tangent...completely different blog...*

I digress...

So, long story short, I scoped him out online.  Thought he looked like a nice guy who knew how to have fun so I said yes.  And she mentioned it to him and he said yes.  And then we added each other on Facebook and had some online chats.  The kicker of this deal is that he lives in Milwaukee.  And I fucking hate Milwaukee.  But he was originally from Madison so I figured...hey...he can't love Milwaukee either then, right?  If it was something that was going to work out...we'd figure out how to make the distance work...I guess.  Eventually we decided to meet.  He drove to Madison to meet me on his way home from a camping trip.  He knows his way around too so I didn't have to worry about that.

By this time, meeting guys I don't know has become an old hat for me.  Yes, I always get nervous...my stomach always turns in knots.  It's a terrible feeling that always makes me think "Why am I doing this to myself?"  But then I walk up and say hi and the gross feeling gets replaced with instant awkward.  I saw him sitting there waiting for me.  He looked exactly like his pictures--which is always good.  But when you add someone on Facebook you get to see every pic...not just the "good" ones on a profile.  Let's be honest though, most men don't have any good pictures of themselves.

The one thing you never know is, will this be a hand shake, a wave, a hello, or a hug?  I can't remember...think it was a half one-armed hug thing.  Maybe not.  Argh, they all blend together.  Not that it matters anyway.  So we're downtown and decided to walk.  We didn't have any set in stone plans...just knew we'd be downtown and figured we'd find somewhere to sit and talk.  That's how all my first dates have to be...sitting and talking.  Usually drinking.  And getting to know each other.  Then see if we can go from there.  I don't like "dates" with people I don't know.  I can't be romantic with people I don't know.

We walked around for a bit just sort of talking about his weekend and things.  Then we settled on a coffee shop on the corner of the square.  We both got some blended something or other and sat down outside.  It was summer so it was warm.  I was starting to sweat anyway and really wanted to stop that show from starting.  And we kept talking.

And talking...

And talking...

We talked for something like 4 hours.  I only had one drink so my mouth and throat were literally dry from all the talking.  We have a lot in common.  And a lot not in common.  The conversation was good...but the most interesting part was watching a girl get robbed!  Yeah, downtown Madison...might as well be Detroit.  We were just sitting there and all of a sudden this girl yelled "Stop her!"  The girl was sitting in the window and had her bag on her chair and some other girl just walked up and grabbed it and started walking away.  In front of a cafe full of people!

But this thief went after the wrong bag.  The owner was dressed in shorts and running shoes and was clearly in shape (the thief was overweight and in flip flops).  She jumped out of the window (it's an open area) and chased after the girl, as did another guy.  The thief made it half a block before the girl grabbed her bag and pushed the thief away.  Everyone clapped as she walked back with her bag.  "What is this, L.A.?" the guy who had jumped up asked.

Hey, it's not every day you go on a date and witness an attempted robbery.  It was pretty exciting!

So after about 4 hours...I was thirsty as fuck.  And hungry.  And sober.  It was my first totally and completely sober date.  Had he lived in Madison, I would've suggested continuing over to a restaurant and getting food...but he had just come off a long weekend and had an hour drive home.  We decided to part ways so we walked back to the parking garage we were in.  I'll be honest, the walk was a little weird.  Usually at the end is where I can decide how I feel about the date, the guy, the experience as a whole.  I didn't know what to think.  I wasn't instantly attracted to him.  There was no chemistry.  But then again, there also was no booze which usually helps those things.  But we talked like we had known each other for years--that's hard to come by.  Usually I do all the talking.  Or at least say all the interesting stuff...

We hugged goodbye and I drove home not really sure what to think.  While on the one hand...we had a good time.  Good conversation.  Were really comfortable with each other (and this could also be because we had been chatting and already dug a little deeper in conversation online), but there was no zsa zsa zsu.  He's the kind of guy who's always in his head...very analytical.  I'm the girl who's always using my heart...very emotional.  We were neither of each other's type.  But since we both went to college, were in greek organizations, have some similar interests...the conversation worked.  We had a lot to talk about.

We talked more online, and met up again at a Brewer game.  It was a good chance to see how he'd fit in to my lifestyle--and my chance to meet the sorority sister who set the whole thing up.  I gotta admit, that was when it was obvious that it was awkward.  He spent more time talking to one of the younger sisters of mine than to me.  I was initially jealous just out of pure instinct, then I realized he was probably better with a nerdy awkward (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) girl like her than an outgoing loud-mouthed, rather experienced girl like me.

One night after having a long talk with a close friend of mine, I came to the decision that this was not going to work.  Distance is just too hard.  We would miss each other online and then ask to hang out one weekend and one would be busy and the next weekend the next person was busy.  It was just too tough.  And it was a long drive to make.  It would always have to be a weekend relationship and I hate that.  I'm excited to start dating someone--I will want to see them as often as possible.  I just don't have the patience to wait 7 days in between.  Long distance is for people who met and then move apart...not for people getting to know each other.

While we were discussing how we thought the dates went and what we thought about each other, he confessed that he didn't get the vibe from me that he was looking for.  I don't remember the exact thing he said, but it was something about me not seeming excited about it and not really in to it and him not really feeling it either and yadda yadda yadda.  It was a very long, very intense conversation.  I've never had such a long detailed conversation about why things didn't work out...or wouldn't work out I guess.

I just wanted it to work so badly that I think I might have been trying too hard.  I was trying to fit a square peg in to a round hole.  I really thought he was the stable intellectual type guy I was looking for.  A nice guy who would treat me well for a change.  But in the end we both decided the distance was too much and we weren't the one the other was looking for.  I do wish him the best as he does deserve a really great girl.  Guess it just wasn't me.

Guy #6: Romeo, Romeo...wherefore art thou?
This guy.  Ahhh...this guy.  Since guy #5 took up quite the amount of time--I'll try to keep this one short.  So I met Romeo (no, really, that's his name) on Match.com.  He had a couple pics and a short description, but he wrote to me and I figured, what the hell, let's meet a guy named Romeo.  At the very least it will make a good story.  Little did I know...

Romeo and and I met at Cooper's Tavern downtown on the square.  I showed up after work.  He showed up after a golf game dressed in golf gear.  He smiled at me right away as I walked up (I always make the entrance.  I am never early...I like to walk in and spot the guy and walk up and see how he reacts).  He was a good looking man.  I wasn't sure what his ethnicity was and I don't think I ever asked.  Some sort of middle eastern if I had to guess, but he had lived in the US long enough for acculturation.  He had an indiscernible accent and I realized I needed to get out more.

We had a great conversation.  He was a nice guy.  He was 34.  And rich.  Butt-loving rich.  He had just broken up with someone a few months before and he wasn't exactly over her yet.  But I didn't really pay much attention to that--looking back, that should've been a red flag.  He had told me he worked in medical devices sales and was apparently damn good at it as he had a 5-bedroom house on the east side in anticipation of starting a family.  He also mentioned that if dating didn't work out he would just sell the house and buy a condo by the lake.  Oh...really.  Just up and buy a condo on the lake in one of the high rises by John Nolen.

He wasn't showy about having money, but you could tell he grew up privileged.  He said he and his family didn't have a close relationship.  Both his parents were very successful and pretty much gave him no choice growing up.  He mentioned that he visited family in London, but spent no time with them as they were too busy making more money.  He also told me about how when he was out in Arizona, he bought a $100K house on impulse because it was so cheap and wanted some place to stay when he was out visiting friends.  Oh right.  Impulse buy.   Beef jerky...beef jerky is an impulse buy.  Not a $100K house in Arizona.  He said it was worth $300K and couldn't pass it up.  Oh it's only $150/month to keep up...

Romeo was one of the few dates I went on where I pretty much just sat back and let the guy talk.  Oh, I jumped in and said some things, but mostly it was the Romeo show.  He told me all about his life and he sounded like a great guy.  Until he mentioned his ex.  He told me she was crazy possessive and always thought he was cheating on her because he was away on business all the time.  I am not going to lie...I saw him warming up to me and I started having visions of dancing around in a 5-bedroom house with all my friends while he was away on business!  Cheat-schmeat...have fun...Ima party with your money!

I'm no gold digger, but I didn't grow up rich.  I didn't have nice clothes or a big house or a Christmas full of the newest electronics.  So, yeah, the dollar sign hanging in front of my face was quite tempting.

But then he mentions that he has this crazy Brazillian friend who is hot, but that he could never date.  Ugh, awesome.  And apparently this girl had agreed to take naked pics of herself for Romeo to send to his ex, (Annie was her name), as "proof" that he has moved on.  Now, if she's the crazy, why does he need to send fake pics to her as proof that he's moved on?  This never occurred to me while I was busy picturing the tropical vacation we were going to go on...

The date went well.  He walked me to my car.  I had a good feeling.  He hugged me goodbye.  I was pretty hopeful.

Until I got the text.  The next day he sent me a message saying "I just want you to know that I don't like to see other people while we are deciding if we're going to be exclusive."  Umm, what?  I had two other dates scheduled just that week.  I said "Well, that's fine if that's how you are, but I can't promise that."  He said that he couldn't play musical chairs and doesn't want the woman he's seeing to be seeing other people and a bunch of other overly possessive red flags.  Ugh.  I was so sad.  This one had to go too.  I couldn't be having some man telling me what to do (even a really really rich one) so I wished him good luck and said good bye.

Then the next night I got a text saying something like "I hope you're happy, quality over quantity."  I thought it was meant for me so I was confused and thought, damn he really is crazy--no wonder why this good looking rich man is also single.  Then another message came in that said "Happy birthday Annie...I've moved on."  And it was followed by a third message with a picture of the ass end of a beautiful (Brazillian?) woman bending over in a window.  It took me a minute to realize that he had done it...he sent his ex the fake pic to prove his life was wonderful.  Only he sent it to me!  Bwahahaha.

I texted him saying, "I don't think you meant to send that to me."  And he said "Who's this?"  Yeah, already deleted my number.  And then he said "Oh no, not for you, sorry."  I kept that text for months as proof to show people.  I couldn't believe he had actually done it.  I was like, dude, you told me it was a fake pic of a girl you've never slept with that you were sending to your ex--so pathetic.  I thought he was just angry and "plotting."  I didn't think he'd actually do it.  The fact that he sent them to me is just hilarious.  Seriously...you can't make this shit up.

And so...since 5 and 6 took you hours to read...I will sign off for now.  Thanks for making it all the way down to this point.  My blog is no light reading, I know...but I type fast and I have a lot to say.  And I guess if you're reading this--you're interested in what I have to say.  I'll wrap this up as really these two stories stand alone.  No need for a final thought as I've really just begun.  Tune in next time for men 7 through...???




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