My year of online dating: guys one through four...
Why am I always sorry for only writing once every three months? It's not like I have people begging me for content... I didn't go back and look, but I think it's been a really long time since I've posted anything--and I feel like every time I sit down to write a blog that I use that as my opening line. I need a better opener.
It cracks me up when people say, you should have a blog! Do you have a blog? You should write about this stuff! I know, right? Duhhhh, Alicia. I always say I don't have time to write. That's, obviously, not true. I spend a lot of time watching Netflix when I could be writing. It's just that I feel like every time I sit down I want to write about the same thing. My love life. And I think, who gives a fuck about my love life? And then I think, but it's hilarious! And then my conscience says, maybe you shouldn't blast innocent people online. Yes, I do have a conscience. But for the sake of comedy people....get the fuck over it!
Facebook, thus far, has been my most used outlet for airing my dating laundry. I have at least 400 people with access to my status updates. At least 10 people out of that 400 care to read them. And yes, they're all related to me. But I know people read them and laugh even if they don't comment because when they see me in real life (yeah, it's come down to online friends/family vs real life these days) they tell me so. Sometimes I wanna say, prove it and like my status next time! But seriously, that's why I wrote all my scandalous stories in my myspace blog years ago--back when I didn't think anyone I wrote about would ever read it (oh how naive of me). I blasted everyone. My then roommate. My coworkers. My crush. My enemies. No one was safe from my writing. And then they all found out. And the shit-eth had hit-teth the fan. But people used to tell me all the time how much they enjoyed reading it. And damn it if I wanted to disappoint my five-person fan base.
I've only given my blog link to one guy that I've gone on dates with. I'm sure since we're done, he's probably done caring about what I write--but just in case he's reading this now...my sincerest of apologies. Just know that no one will ever find out who you are in real life and I wish you the best :) But one guy I went out with found a Facebook group I had online and read a really terrible thing I posted about him and then he called me out on it. While I don't really care...and clearly neither did he as he just messaged me a week ago asking if I was having any luck yet...I still felt a little bad. Only a little. Because I'm kind of an asshole.
But I digress. If I want to get my entire year in to one blog, I better get started. I don't know if I can go in chronological order as my memory ain't what it used to be. But since I started talking about this guy, let's open with that. I don't want to change their names because damn it if I can even keep their real names straight...so maybe I'll just use their real first names. Even if I use an initial, should any one of these guys find me online--they'll know it's them I'm talking about so I'm screwed either way. So we'll keep it to "this guy" as everyone will be known as "this guy" with a number behind it. Try to keep up.
Guy #1: Late Show Guy
So this 1st guy. I met him on OK Cupid. I believe he was in his late 20's. Tall. Dark hair. Gap in his front teeth. We had a mutual friend and he messaged me. He wasn't ugly. His profile was very lacking, but since we knew the same person and I was ready to jump in head first, I decided, what the fuck, let's just meet. Mind you, I'm taking EVERYONE's advice and going outside the box of people I think I would actually go for. Don't want to leave anyone out just in case I'm dismissing "the one" because his teeth aren't straight--as I have a habit of doing. So we message a couple times and decide to meet a nearby bowling alley for beer and pizza. He was better looking in real life than his picture which was good...but he talked really slowly.
That was our conversation. Slow. As fuck. And boring. Again, as fuck. The only thing we had in common was our mutual friend who he apparently tried dating and didn't have any problem telling me all about it. As is usually the case, I did most of the talking. He answered my questions, but in no way gave me anything to go off of, I just had to randomly pick questions out of the air and hope he'd have more than a one word answer. Drinking made things better...but it didn't make them good. As I always do...I accepted a second date to go to a movie. No talking at a movie. Safe choice. Plus he paid for our meal and pitcher of beer. So I figured, hey, free movie. I know I'm an asshole.
This is when I blasted him on my Facebook wall which I thought only my friends in the group could read (wrong). I mentioned that he was boring, that we had no chemistry, that I didn't want to meet him again, but felt maybe a second date would get rid of the first date awkwardness. Nope. We sat in the seats at the theater and had the same awkward stilted slow conversation we had the first night. The movie was, meh. Then when it was over I had to go. It was a weekend and it was only 10, but this date needed to be over. We stood outside the theater as I tried to think of any excuse to go to bed early. Before I spoke he said "Well, do you want to go back to my place and watch the Late Show?" Umm...excuse me? Are we doing this? Is it hip to hang out and watch the Late Show? I have never sat through an entire episode of any of those kind of shows. Mostly because the hosts are old and unfunny and I have no idea who's on what channel at what time.
I couldn't get over two things...one that he invited me over to watch the Late Show, and two that he assumed I'd be down for heading straight to his place on date 2. Seriously? I made up some excuse about needing to get up early the next day because I had to work (at 4pm) and we did the awkward half hug. I immediately texted a friend and met her out for beers. Somewhere around midnight I got a text from him saying something like "I can see from your Facebook post that I'm not what you're looking for...good luck to you." Ummm...WHAT? My Facebook post? We're not friends on Facebook. I did not tell him my last name. So clearly he stalked me through our mutual friend's page and found this group I had, stupidly, not made "closed" and apparently was able to read every scathing word I wrote about him. Then he had the audacity to text me and call me out on it.
Now I'm not saying I don't stalk online. Facebook is a wonderful tool for that. And yes, I did go to our mutual friend's page to see if he had a page I could read. But here's the number one rule about stalking--you don't call people out on the shit you find. That's just crazy. People said, you bet your ass I'd call someone out if they blasted me online...but it's not the same. If we're Facebook friends and in my newsfeed I call you a dumb slut...yeah...that's asking for it. But I was making a comment among friends in a, now private, group of only about 20 women. I didn't post it to my newsfeed. He basically announced to me that he put time and effort in to stalking me online. That's the kind of shit you keep to yourself, you know what I mean? On the plus side, never has a guy gotten a more honest answer as to why we're not going to go on another date. And yes...just a week ago he message me on POF asking me if I was having any luck--so clearly I didn't hurt his feelings all that bad.
Here's where my memory goes bad. I remember the first, and I remember the last, but I don't remember the in-between. So, in no particular order...
Guy #2: Man of Steel?
I met a guy on Match (by the way Plenty of Fish, Match.com, and Ok Cupid...I was on all three) who had a picture of a mutual friend. He is older than me...maybe 33? Ugh I can't remember. He mentioned season tickets to the Packers...ding, ding, ding, worth a date for sure. Plus if he's a friend of a friend...then he can't be all that bad. We met at Cheeseburger in Paradise. It was summer and it was hot. I got there and he was covered in sweat. Now he's a big guy, not fat, but really big and tall...so you know, it was awkward that his head was drenched and he was wiping his forehead when I walked up. He was instantly embarrassed which I found endearing. And he had such a deep voice I could've listened to him talk all day.
We had very easy conversation. Lots in common. Oddly enough he was from the same town as one of my college arch-nemeses and we enjoyed a good laugh at her fat dumb expense, may she have children as ugly as she is. I told you I was an asshole. But anyway, it was a pretty decent date. It was weird because he already ate and I had come from work so I was starving. I ordered chips and salsa. He had one drink and switched to water. I had two drinks. I paid for my first and I think he picked up the rest of the tab. The conversation got a little weird when he started telling me about the other girls from online that he had met and slept with right away. Now, I'm a straight up 'ho fo' sho'. But I'm trying to seriously date someone and wasn't about to sleep with someone on the first or second date. I can act like a lady once in a while.
So here we were discussing the girls from online that he slept with right away and I'm thinking, is he testing the waters to see if I'd be down for going back to his place? And I'm pretty sure he was by the time he was cracking the joke about me going back to his place after that because he lived across the street. I was instantly afraid. Now, men don't scare me, but I was afraid he was going to ask and I was going to have to deny. And that would really ruin the mood. Especially because I liked talking to him. He was funny. But I was not feeling the "go back to his place" thing. Plus I think it was a week day and I had to get to bed. My own bed. So at around 9 he walked me to my car. And he's 6 foot lots of inches so he towered over me. And I cowered below him wondering what kind of good night he was going for. I wasn't feeling a kiss either. There was really no sexual chemistry whatsoever for me at that point. So I basically ran to my car and jumped in and drove away. Not before he said "I'm not going to attack you or something..." when he saw the look on my face.
Wasn't terrible. I didn't really get in to the fact that he felt okay talking shit about his ex-wife and how she took all his money...but I know I'm one of those people that people feel comfortable opening up to so I chalked it up to me being such a good psych student. So yeah, I agreed to see Superman with him. He admitted that he was online hoping to find someone to go with him to this movie he had been waiting to see because Superman is his favorite hero. Okay sure, I love me some Henry Cavill. He bought both tickets. For the wrong day. He was so excited he bought tickets for the wrong day to the IMAX. Not cheap. So then he purchased two more tickets. I felt like a prime ass for that even though it wasn't in any way my fault. I was weirded out as I usually am when guys I'm not really interested in are really in to me.
He picked me up in his car. Now, as cliche as it sounds, yes I judge your car. I do. I can't help it. It was an old sports car that he assured me he was selling and buying new. I don't care, that much, but I still judge, a little. I would never use a car as a means of dismissing someone, but it might be a chip I play in my head to justify it. So anyway...we get to the theater and we're watching the movie. I have my arms and legs crossed like fucking Fort Knox. I didn't want him thinking in any way that I wanted him to touch me. I know it sounds weird since I'm really such a loose girl in real life...but if I'm not feeling it, I'm not feeling it and I won't force it. I could tell he wanted to grab my hand or touch my leg as he kept inching towards it. But nothing in my body language was saying that I was open for that. In fact, one time he sat forward and swiped his hand up my leg and I jumped and yelped so loudly that it was awkward as fuck after that. Until he started crying.
Yes. You read that right. I had apparently underestimated the depth of his love for Superman and the tumultuous father/son relationship he had with the man who raised him. Superman that is. I heard sobs next to me and I honestly didn't know what to do. He had joked in a text about whether I'd make fun of him when he cried, or so I thought was a joke. I mean, it's Superman...it's not The Notebook. And I cry at coffee commercials...but my eyes were bone dry. So I had no idea how to read that one. I mean, to have such a big strong looking grown man break down at his childhood hero...it could be worse I guess. But I wasn't ready for it.
We went to lunch. I told him how to get to the restaurant and he took the way he knew. Well he was apparently so in to our conversation that he didn't pay attention to where we were going and we passed the restaurant by three exits before I spoke up about where he was effing taking me. So...that was weird. But I got us there. We sat down and I ordered a giant bloody mary and he got water. Okay. Now I'm a lush. And we ordered. And as we're sitting there talking, his phone starts going off. He looked at it and put it down, and I was like, well you picked it up...go ahead and answer your text. So he tells me how it's this girl he works with who is asking him how the date is going. Okay, weird again. I said, well, text her back. I don't care. Then I hear the story about how all the women in his office are all over his nuts. About how his nickname is "eye candy" and they all want him and expect big things from me and on and on and no, no, no, no, no. Too soon. The stuff about the ex was over the line for date one, but I forgave it. I didn't want to hear about how he's the hot one in the office who all the ladies love.
At this point any possible attraction I could have had was lost as he just went on and on about how wonderful he is and how everyone wants him and they all throw themselves at him. He's not a bad-looking guy, but sweet jesus, that just made him completely unattractive. After lunch I could tell he didn't want the date to be over, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I knew he was all over my nuts and I wasn't feeling it. I think we'd be great friends for sure. If we had met in some other capacity, we might have hit it off. But jumping in to dating is just such a weird situation. When he texted me the next day, I asked...can we take "dating" off the table? He thought he scared me...but really I just decided no and didn't want to be mean. He is a really great guy, funny, nice, and great with conversation...but there was just something that was off and he was very pushy and forward in a way I wasn't digging and I felt like we'd always be in that place of him wanting more and me not willing to give it. So I said good bye, keep in touch...and haven't heard from him since.
Guy #3: Angry Tattooed Guy
I went on a date with another guy from POF. He is 35, tattooed, drives a truck, rides a Harley, and has facial hair. Not my type physically in any way, but most likely a perfect fit with my family. He also lives an hour from me. I hate distance. I hate driving. And I want someone to be on-call in a way that if it's Tuesday night at 7 and I say, come over, I don't want to wait. Plus commutes are a bitch. We were texting for a bit before we decided when and where to meet. We almost didn't meet because I said I didn't want to drive all that far and we couldn't decide on a place. He thought I was being unreasonable and got angry that I wasn't putting in any effort. I'm sorry, effort is earned my friend. Earned. But again, didn't want to be "that girl" so I agreed to meet him in Middleton which was a half-way point.
When I walked in to the wing place he was already there at the bar having a beer. I recognized him right away. He looked taller sitting down. We moved to a table and he ordered me a drink right away. We had decided not to do food in case it sucked and we wanted out right away. We had both been on some terrible dates and/or just had bad luck. I liked him instantly. Total chemistry. He had a great smile. Really great actually. He had his own home, truck, boat, bike, and a great job with MG&E. Made decent money and had all this "great on paper" stuff. And we had lot in common. It was awesome. I was excited for the first time ever on a date. He was hilarious and he laughed at all my jokes. Did I mention he had a great smile?
I don't even remember what we talked about family, bad dates, whatever. Everything. Before I knew it I was four beers in and it was 9 and I had to go. That's my pumpkin time. He walked me to my car and we stood there for the awkward good-bye. Again, I was not going to kiss this guy, but I did give in and give him the hug he wanted. I had told him about my earlier Facebook debacle and he said, well this is my name, stalk me all you want! So I added him right away. And on my drive home I called my best friend and told her how excited I was that I had finally met someone awesome. I wanted to text him all day every day until I saw him again. We texted when we got home until I went to sleep. I was a very happy girl.
He invited me over to his place for steaks two days later. I had to skip a work out to do it and that was hard for me. I didn't want to get in to the habit of skipping workouts to hang out with men. This is how one slips off the track and gains all their weight back in a relationship. I wanted to be rigid, but my coworkers convinced me I was being dumb and to skip a workout. He lived an hour from me, but only 30 minutes from my work. So I drove over straight after and went to his place. It was weird, but not. He opened his fridge to get me a drink and he had gone out and bought a case of my kind of beer.
Walking in to his house I was instantly attacked by his dog. Now, I love dogs. They don't scare me when they jump. I typically embrace it. But his dog was way hyper-active. And she scratched a hole in to the pair of pants I had bought that day on my lunch break to change in to. He kept yelling at her to get down and she didn't listen. Then he got scary mean and grabbed her and put her in her kennel. Normally I say, no, don't kennel the dog, but she was so hyper I was happy. And then when he let her out she was trampling me again. And he was screaming at her again. I don't like to hear people yell at their dogs that way. I mean, she was a rescue so she probably needed way more attention than he was giving her so it wasn't her fault. He had mentioned a couple times how he didn't want her and that made me angry too.
Our conversation moved to the fact that he was the neighborhood bully. Apparently he had yelled at every kid on the block and some of their parents. At the time, I laughed thinking his neighbors must be assholes. But in the back of my mind I was adding up all his bad temper points and the scales were tipping. Somehow we got on the topic of my sex life. I mentioned that while I have been known to be a bit wild...that while I was dating I wouldn't be acting that way. He had mentioned me spending the night at his place, not necessarily that night...but it seemed as if he wouldn't have totally been okay with that. I was like, whoa guy...do I have SLUT tattooed across my forehead? I mean just because I have slept around doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you right away. Take it fucking easy. I was like, yeah, if the time comes I'd pack a bag and stay...but too soon guy...too soon.
When it was time to go...I had a one hour drive after all...we stood out by my car and we had our first kiss. It was a little awkward because I went to hug him as I was willing to do and he didn't let me go and he looked in to my eyes and I fell back against my car because I didn't realize what he was doing. I'm such an awkward sober girl. I have been known to slam my tongue down a guy's throat wasted in a public bar...and here I was in the privacy of a driveway at night and couldn't even kiss a guy. But it was successful and at the time I was still happy. He had invited me to go with him that weekend camping. I was actually considering it...but later in the week chickened out.
I thought I had done it. Finally found someone I could spend some time with. But he lived so far away. And apparently was as not-willing to bend on his schedule as I was not-willing to drive. We never successfully figured out another time to get together as we spent every day after that arguing via text. One shining moment stands out...I was getting really attached and was worried he was freaking out about it because he didn't text me back or some stupid girly reason. And then he called me and was like "don't text if you're worried about something, just call me and ask." I loved that about him. Like, he's a fucking grown up and made me feel real foolish. But in the end we really argued a lot. I would ask to come over right after work and he would say "I can't hang out until 730". What the fuck am I going to do for two hours after work? I mean, if I'm driving you have to be willing to have me come over right after work. And he never was. And he was never open to hanging out on the weekend because he had all these things to do. I just finally got fed up and we both decided we were making it way more difficult than it had to be.
He said that it should be easy and it was too hard. I didn't like how he was unwilling to bend. If I was going to drive a fucking hour he better be willing to have me come over when I was able to come over. He didn't bend. I didn't bend. And in the end it just broke. I really hated his temper that he had with me. Every time I would read a text from him I'd be angry. The honeymoon was over after only two dates. He texted me after that and asked me to reconsider, but I held firm. Until a month or so after I had gone on a few more bad dates. He wanted to give it another go so I said okay and met him for dinner. But we ended up arguing again. He did admit that he had been stubborn and unwilling to bend to my schedule in anyway, but at that point I was over it. I could see his temper and I just knew we'd spend more time arguing.
He texted me, again, asking if I was ready to give him a chance and I ignored that one. Haven't heard from him since.
Guy #4: The Car-less Asshat
I went on another date, in between dates with the guy above, with another guy from Match.com. Shit was going bad with that guy so I was back at it messaging people and answering messages. This guy I found looked really cute in his pics and had a pretty decent profile. We agreed to meet and I drove to the Brass Ring after work. It was a Friday. I got there first so I ordered a cabernet and sat at the bar. I thought I was looking pretty cute. Had my new shirt on and everything. And then the guy walks up. A good foot shorter than I thought he would be and way worse looking in real life. I don't know if his pics were old or just the three best pics in existence of him or what. I'm a short girl so a guy who's 5'9" doesn't bother me. A guy who's my height on the other hand...then they have small carnie hands...and probably smell like cabbage...
It was awkward from the beginning. He ordered a beer and a salad. I ordered a quesadilla. We talked. He told me that he didn't have a car and had borrowed his cousin's car for the night. I was like, okay, no car. How the hell is this going to work? There were no sparks and the conversation was a bit jilted. It wasn't an "I'm doing all the talking" convo, but it seemed like neither of us was interested in what the other person was saying. Like we were just going through the motions. Before I even had a chance to decide if I could possibly go for this short stubby guy, the waitress asked if we wanted another round and he said, "No just the check, I gotta get going." We had literally been sitting there for all of 30 minutes as our food came pretty fast.
I didn't even have a chance to argue. He paid the bill and stood up and was like, "Well I gotta get going, my car is this way" and pretty much booked it out. I was pissed. Absolutely livid that I wasted a Friday night on this twat. He wasn't even good looking. And I bet his dick is short and chubby just like he was. Yeah...asshole, I know I am. But to be rejected in under an hour really sucked. And by someone so below my level. I didn't like him anyway, but the fact that he booked it out of there before I could even decide really made me angry. He probably double booked because he had his cousin's car. He kept checking his watch because he probably had to meet as many girls in one night as he possibly could before he lost his wheels again. Fucking chump. Good riddance.
There were also a lot of near misses. Guys I messaged and planned to meet, and then it fell through or just never happened. I talk to a lot of guys just one night and then never again. Some guys a couple nights and then I get bored because they suck. If a guy can't keep me interested in a couple of emails, I figured in person would just be worse. And if they suck at writing and it makes my head hurt to translate their texts...can't do that either.
I post a lot about my dates on Facebook. I also cut and paste pics from messages I receive online that are hilarious, or ludicrous, or just plain bad. It's really only for comedic effect as I am never going to ask Facebook for relationship advice. Alas Facebook still insists on giving it to me. There's just something so sad and lonely about a single girl that everyone coupled person feels the need to drop their knowledge in hopes that this single girl won't be so pathetic forever. I hear it doesn't end, once you're married it's all about asking when you're going to have kids...etc, etc because everyone thinks you need to follow the status quo or there's something wrong with you.
My dating life is hilarious. And sad. And I think people are actually interested in hearing about mine because it either validates their own relationships, helps them live vicariously through me if they're single and lonely, or just entertains them while they're cooking or taking a dump. I want people who are in loving happy relationships to read what I'm going through and realize what they have and how wonderful their life is. If these people are out there thinking the grass is greener...I want to assure them that it isn't. But I don't want them putting their expectations on me or trying to school me in how to find a successful relationship.
What not to say to your single friends...
I love my friends, but I if I don't outright ask for advice, I don't want it. Most people on Facebook who comment on my shit only know my online persona. People I talk to in real life, my actual every day friends, they know better than to ever utter the "maybe you're trying too hard" bullshit that gets shoved down my throat on the regular. Here's a tip from me to you. Never, EVER, say that to your single friends. Ever. And while we're at it, keep the "Maybe once you stop looking" to yourself along with "well I met my husband/fiance/boyfriend when I wasn't even looking for a relationship..." Oh really? You did? And everyone else in a successful relationship was also "not looking?" You mean everyone in this world just accidentally bumped in to their soul mate one day and it was love at first site? Fuck that and fuck you for making me think that what I'm doing is wrong.
Everyone meets the love of their life differently. And to hear the advice I get from couples, is to hear their story. Well I met my husband online--you should try it. Well I met my husband through a friend. We went to high school together. We went to college together. We worked together for three years first. How about, he was trolling Facebook drunk one night, saw my pic, and messaged me. I added him as a friend because he was hot. And now he's my baby daddy. There is no secret to finding the love of your life. And just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for me. I'm doing what I have to do. I'm doing what makes me feel better about my life.
And the advice I really really don't like hearing is...
*Why don't you take some time to get to know yourself and what you want?
*You have to love yourself before anyone is going to love you. And I really really really like,
*Well if you weren't so picky....oh yeah...I LOVE to hear that one...
Listen up here, and listen well...I LOVE MY LIFE. I AM HAPPY. I KNOW WHAT I WANT. AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING BE PICKY. We're talking about the rest of my life. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I'm not looking for a fuck buddy. I'm looking for a man to share my life with and start a family with. I'm 31 years old. In less than 3 months I will be 32. I don't have all the time in the world. No, I fucking don't so don't tell me I have time either. I know I don't have to pop out kids tomorrow, but I'm not waiting until I'm 40 either. It takes a long time to find someone. A long time to get to know them. A long time to get engaged. A long time to get married. But yet just once to get pregnant, amirite? I'm starting from scratch here. So yeah, we're talking a years and years long process until I reach the ultimate outcome of becoming a mother. That is what I want out of life. That's all I've ever wanted.
However, if I don't get it, I don't. I'm not desperate. I know I'm not skinny. I can see myself. It's like people think...oh, you're fat...you should probably take what you can get when you can get it. And you know what? FUCK THAT and fuck you too for thinking that. I know exactly what size I am. And I'm okay with it. For now. I'm a work in progress, but in the mean time I know I'm not the ideal.
However...every guy (barring the one non-driving asshat) has chased me. I get so many messages online. And 9 out of the 10 guys I've gone out with have fallen for me in some way. And I've met many who like me just the way I am. I do not need to settle...as no one should. I do not need to take the first guy who comes my way and likes me. I will not be that girl. Those girls cheat on their husbands or live miserably when they realize they've married someone they didn't really love and just settled for the first man who was interested.
I'm not going to be that girl. I'm going to be madly in love and I won't accept anything less. So yeah, I may not be a model, but I can still be picky. I deserve what I want and I won't settle for less. If that means I spend the next 50 years single...so be it. Well, I say that now...I'm sure around 40 my tune will change. But for now, I'm having no problems meeting men and even less problems getting them to like me. As you'll notice...most of my stories, it's my choice to not continue.
And so what, I want a man with a degree who can actually write a full sentence? I have a degree. I don't think I'm being ridiculous asking that a man be on my same education level. I'm not saying that men who only graduated high school are not intelligent. A lot of guys get great jobs and make more than me on a two year or no year degree. But chances are, a guy who went to college is going to be better at things like writing emails and drafting text messages that don't use one letter words. Yeah I know people have issues and don't read well or just weren't good students. And I've gone on dates with those guys. And we have nothing in common.
I don't really appreciate when people try making me feel like an asshole when I judge men who are lacking. I am an asshole in many ways...however I don't think it's fair to throw me on the stake because I make fun of a guy who can't think. Yes, I have flaws. Yes I'm not perfect. And any guy who's going to judge me because I'm not 5'10" 125 pounds is someone I don't want to date. So these guys have every right to call me a judgemental asshole and not want to date me because of that. Because that's exactly what I'd say to a guy who overlooked me because I'm not a model. But other people have no right to say that I need to be considerate of this or that. I only need to be considerate if the man in front of me is worth considering. And honestly, most of these men aren't and I know this because I've met them in real life--or at least had multiple conversations with them before deciding they're not worth talking to. These people who don't know me, and don't know the guy, have no place to have an opinion.
So that aside. Yes picky, no not settling, yes going to continue to go on dates even if they all suck. At least I know in my mind that I've tried...even if I never do find that one guy who can keep up with me intellectually and physically. It's a lot to ask. And it's going to take an incredible man to fill that role. But at this point I'm still hopeful and up for the challenge of looking. Since I don't really have a chance to meet a lot of men in my day to day--I'm online. I've been on probably ten or so first dates this year...and many second and third dates. And I've just met some guys for a one night mutual thing...that has turned in to more than once in every occasion. So yeah...I've had luck online. Lots of it! My dance card has been really full this year. And even though I didn't find "the one"...I'm optimistic that I might.
I only made it through 4 men in this blog...I'll have to save the next round for another blog...so I'll put this out there for now. Stay tuned for the next 4 men. And in the meantime, keep your advice to yourself. I get very defensive when people "attack" me and my opinion because that's just it, it's my opinion and my life to fuck up. You know what they say about opinions? Yes, we're back to assholes. But please do weigh in if you'd like to add a "oh no he didn't" comment...I love those. General rule of thumb...if I'm making fun of him, you do too. That's always acceptable. And maybe one day I'll meet one to gush about...but those posts aren't anywhere near as entertaining...am I right?
It cracks me up when people say, you should have a blog! Do you have a blog? You should write about this stuff! I know, right? Duhhhh, Alicia. I always say I don't have time to write. That's, obviously, not true. I spend a lot of time watching Netflix when I could be writing. It's just that I feel like every time I sit down I want to write about the same thing. My love life. And I think, who gives a fuck about my love life? And then I think, but it's hilarious! And then my conscience says, maybe you shouldn't blast innocent people online. Yes, I do have a conscience. But for the sake of comedy people....get the fuck over it!
Facebook, thus far, has been my most used outlet for airing my dating laundry. I have at least 400 people with access to my status updates. At least 10 people out of that 400 care to read them. And yes, they're all related to me. But I know people read them and laugh even if they don't comment because when they see me in real life (yeah, it's come down to online friends/family vs real life these days) they tell me so. Sometimes I wanna say, prove it and like my status next time! But seriously, that's why I wrote all my scandalous stories in my myspace blog years ago--back when I didn't think anyone I wrote about would ever read it (oh how naive of me). I blasted everyone. My then roommate. My coworkers. My crush. My enemies. No one was safe from my writing. And then they all found out. And the shit-eth had hit-teth the fan. But people used to tell me all the time how much they enjoyed reading it. And damn it if I wanted to disappoint my five-person fan base.
I've only given my blog link to one guy that I've gone on dates with. I'm sure since we're done, he's probably done caring about what I write--but just in case he's reading this now...my sincerest of apologies. Just know that no one will ever find out who you are in real life and I wish you the best :) But one guy I went out with found a Facebook group I had online and read a really terrible thing I posted about him and then he called me out on it. While I don't really care...and clearly neither did he as he just messaged me a week ago asking if I was having any luck yet...I still felt a little bad. Only a little. Because I'm kind of an asshole.
But I digress. If I want to get my entire year in to one blog, I better get started. I don't know if I can go in chronological order as my memory ain't what it used to be. But since I started talking about this guy, let's open with that. I don't want to change their names because damn it if I can even keep their real names straight...so maybe I'll just use their real first names. Even if I use an initial, should any one of these guys find me online--they'll know it's them I'm talking about so I'm screwed either way. So we'll keep it to "this guy" as everyone will be known as "this guy" with a number behind it. Try to keep up.
Guy #1: Late Show Guy
So this 1st guy. I met him on OK Cupid. I believe he was in his late 20's. Tall. Dark hair. Gap in his front teeth. We had a mutual friend and he messaged me. He wasn't ugly. His profile was very lacking, but since we knew the same person and I was ready to jump in head first, I decided, what the fuck, let's just meet. Mind you, I'm taking EVERYONE's advice and going outside the box of people I think I would actually go for. Don't want to leave anyone out just in case I'm dismissing "the one" because his teeth aren't straight--as I have a habit of doing. So we message a couple times and decide to meet a nearby bowling alley for beer and pizza. He was better looking in real life than his picture which was good...but he talked really slowly.
That was our conversation. Slow. As fuck. And boring. Again, as fuck. The only thing we had in common was our mutual friend who he apparently tried dating and didn't have any problem telling me all about it. As is usually the case, I did most of the talking. He answered my questions, but in no way gave me anything to go off of, I just had to randomly pick questions out of the air and hope he'd have more than a one word answer. Drinking made things better...but it didn't make them good. As I always do...I accepted a second date to go to a movie. No talking at a movie. Safe choice. Plus he paid for our meal and pitcher of beer. So I figured, hey, free movie. I know I'm an asshole.
This is when I blasted him on my Facebook wall which I thought only my friends in the group could read (wrong). I mentioned that he was boring, that we had no chemistry, that I didn't want to meet him again, but felt maybe a second date would get rid of the first date awkwardness. Nope. We sat in the seats at the theater and had the same awkward stilted slow conversation we had the first night. The movie was, meh. Then when it was over I had to go. It was a weekend and it was only 10, but this date needed to be over. We stood outside the theater as I tried to think of any excuse to go to bed early. Before I spoke he said "Well, do you want to go back to my place and watch the Late Show?" Umm...excuse me? Are we doing this? Is it hip to hang out and watch the Late Show? I have never sat through an entire episode of any of those kind of shows. Mostly because the hosts are old and unfunny and I have no idea who's on what channel at what time.
I couldn't get over two things...one that he invited me over to watch the Late Show, and two that he assumed I'd be down for heading straight to his place on date 2. Seriously? I made up some excuse about needing to get up early the next day because I had to work (at 4pm) and we did the awkward half hug. I immediately texted a friend and met her out for beers. Somewhere around midnight I got a text from him saying something like "I can see from your Facebook post that I'm not what you're looking for...good luck to you." Ummm...WHAT? My Facebook post? We're not friends on Facebook. I did not tell him my last name. So clearly he stalked me through our mutual friend's page and found this group I had, stupidly, not made "closed" and apparently was able to read every scathing word I wrote about him. Then he had the audacity to text me and call me out on it.
Now I'm not saying I don't stalk online. Facebook is a wonderful tool for that. And yes, I did go to our mutual friend's page to see if he had a page I could read. But here's the number one rule about stalking--you don't call people out on the shit you find. That's just crazy. People said, you bet your ass I'd call someone out if they blasted me online...but it's not the same. If we're Facebook friends and in my newsfeed I call you a dumb slut...yeah...that's asking for it. But I was making a comment among friends in a, now private, group of only about 20 women. I didn't post it to my newsfeed. He basically announced to me that he put time and effort in to stalking me online. That's the kind of shit you keep to yourself, you know what I mean? On the plus side, never has a guy gotten a more honest answer as to why we're not going to go on another date. And yes...just a week ago he message me on POF asking me if I was having any luck--so clearly I didn't hurt his feelings all that bad.
Here's where my memory goes bad. I remember the first, and I remember the last, but I don't remember the in-between. So, in no particular order...
Guy #2: Man of Steel?
I met a guy on Match (by the way Plenty of Fish, Match.com, and Ok Cupid...I was on all three) who had a picture of a mutual friend. He is older than me...maybe 33? Ugh I can't remember. He mentioned season tickets to the Packers...ding, ding, ding, worth a date for sure. Plus if he's a friend of a friend...then he can't be all that bad. We met at Cheeseburger in Paradise. It was summer and it was hot. I got there and he was covered in sweat. Now he's a big guy, not fat, but really big and tall...so you know, it was awkward that his head was drenched and he was wiping his forehead when I walked up. He was instantly embarrassed which I found endearing. And he had such a deep voice I could've listened to him talk all day.
We had very easy conversation. Lots in common. Oddly enough he was from the same town as one of my college arch-nemeses and we enjoyed a good laugh at her fat dumb expense, may she have children as ugly as she is. I told you I was an asshole. But anyway, it was a pretty decent date. It was weird because he already ate and I had come from work so I was starving. I ordered chips and salsa. He had one drink and switched to water. I had two drinks. I paid for my first and I think he picked up the rest of the tab. The conversation got a little weird when he started telling me about the other girls from online that he had met and slept with right away. Now, I'm a straight up 'ho fo' sho'. But I'm trying to seriously date someone and wasn't about to sleep with someone on the first or second date. I can act like a lady once in a while.
So here we were discussing the girls from online that he slept with right away and I'm thinking, is he testing the waters to see if I'd be down for going back to his place? And I'm pretty sure he was by the time he was cracking the joke about me going back to his place after that because he lived across the street. I was instantly afraid. Now, men don't scare me, but I was afraid he was going to ask and I was going to have to deny. And that would really ruin the mood. Especially because I liked talking to him. He was funny. But I was not feeling the "go back to his place" thing. Plus I think it was a week day and I had to get to bed. My own bed. So at around 9 he walked me to my car. And he's 6 foot lots of inches so he towered over me. And I cowered below him wondering what kind of good night he was going for. I wasn't feeling a kiss either. There was really no sexual chemistry whatsoever for me at that point. So I basically ran to my car and jumped in and drove away. Not before he said "I'm not going to attack you or something..." when he saw the look on my face.
Wasn't terrible. I didn't really get in to the fact that he felt okay talking shit about his ex-wife and how she took all his money...but I know I'm one of those people that people feel comfortable opening up to so I chalked it up to me being such a good psych student. So yeah, I agreed to see Superman with him. He admitted that he was online hoping to find someone to go with him to this movie he had been waiting to see because Superman is his favorite hero. Okay sure, I love me some Henry Cavill. He bought both tickets. For the wrong day. He was so excited he bought tickets for the wrong day to the IMAX. Not cheap. So then he purchased two more tickets. I felt like a prime ass for that even though it wasn't in any way my fault. I was weirded out as I usually am when guys I'm not really interested in are really in to me.
He picked me up in his car. Now, as cliche as it sounds, yes I judge your car. I do. I can't help it. It was an old sports car that he assured me he was selling and buying new. I don't care, that much, but I still judge, a little. I would never use a car as a means of dismissing someone, but it might be a chip I play in my head to justify it. So anyway...we get to the theater and we're watching the movie. I have my arms and legs crossed like fucking Fort Knox. I didn't want him thinking in any way that I wanted him to touch me. I know it sounds weird since I'm really such a loose girl in real life...but if I'm not feeling it, I'm not feeling it and I won't force it. I could tell he wanted to grab my hand or touch my leg as he kept inching towards it. But nothing in my body language was saying that I was open for that. In fact, one time he sat forward and swiped his hand up my leg and I jumped and yelped so loudly that it was awkward as fuck after that. Until he started crying.
Yes. You read that right. I had apparently underestimated the depth of his love for Superman and the tumultuous father/son relationship he had with the man who raised him. Superman that is. I heard sobs next to me and I honestly didn't know what to do. He had joked in a text about whether I'd make fun of him when he cried, or so I thought was a joke. I mean, it's Superman...it's not The Notebook. And I cry at coffee commercials...but my eyes were bone dry. So I had no idea how to read that one. I mean, to have such a big strong looking grown man break down at his childhood hero...it could be worse I guess. But I wasn't ready for it.
We went to lunch. I told him how to get to the restaurant and he took the way he knew. Well he was apparently so in to our conversation that he didn't pay attention to where we were going and we passed the restaurant by three exits before I spoke up about where he was effing taking me. So...that was weird. But I got us there. We sat down and I ordered a giant bloody mary and he got water. Okay. Now I'm a lush. And we ordered. And as we're sitting there talking, his phone starts going off. He looked at it and put it down, and I was like, well you picked it up...go ahead and answer your text. So he tells me how it's this girl he works with who is asking him how the date is going. Okay, weird again. I said, well, text her back. I don't care. Then I hear the story about how all the women in his office are all over his nuts. About how his nickname is "eye candy" and they all want him and expect big things from me and on and on and no, no, no, no, no. Too soon. The stuff about the ex was over the line for date one, but I forgave it. I didn't want to hear about how he's the hot one in the office who all the ladies love.
At this point any possible attraction I could have had was lost as he just went on and on about how wonderful he is and how everyone wants him and they all throw themselves at him. He's not a bad-looking guy, but sweet jesus, that just made him completely unattractive. After lunch I could tell he didn't want the date to be over, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I knew he was all over my nuts and I wasn't feeling it. I think we'd be great friends for sure. If we had met in some other capacity, we might have hit it off. But jumping in to dating is just such a weird situation. When he texted me the next day, I asked...can we take "dating" off the table? He thought he scared me...but really I just decided no and didn't want to be mean. He is a really great guy, funny, nice, and great with conversation...but there was just something that was off and he was very pushy and forward in a way I wasn't digging and I felt like we'd always be in that place of him wanting more and me not willing to give it. So I said good bye, keep in touch...and haven't heard from him since.
Guy #3: Angry Tattooed Guy
I went on a date with another guy from POF. He is 35, tattooed, drives a truck, rides a Harley, and has facial hair. Not my type physically in any way, but most likely a perfect fit with my family. He also lives an hour from me. I hate distance. I hate driving. And I want someone to be on-call in a way that if it's Tuesday night at 7 and I say, come over, I don't want to wait. Plus commutes are a bitch. We were texting for a bit before we decided when and where to meet. We almost didn't meet because I said I didn't want to drive all that far and we couldn't decide on a place. He thought I was being unreasonable and got angry that I wasn't putting in any effort. I'm sorry, effort is earned my friend. Earned. But again, didn't want to be "that girl" so I agreed to meet him in Middleton which was a half-way point.
When I walked in to the wing place he was already there at the bar having a beer. I recognized him right away. He looked taller sitting down. We moved to a table and he ordered me a drink right away. We had decided not to do food in case it sucked and we wanted out right away. We had both been on some terrible dates and/or just had bad luck. I liked him instantly. Total chemistry. He had a great smile. Really great actually. He had his own home, truck, boat, bike, and a great job with MG&E. Made decent money and had all this "great on paper" stuff. And we had lot in common. It was awesome. I was excited for the first time ever on a date. He was hilarious and he laughed at all my jokes. Did I mention he had a great smile?
I don't even remember what we talked about family, bad dates, whatever. Everything. Before I knew it I was four beers in and it was 9 and I had to go. That's my pumpkin time. He walked me to my car and we stood there for the awkward good-bye. Again, I was not going to kiss this guy, but I did give in and give him the hug he wanted. I had told him about my earlier Facebook debacle and he said, well this is my name, stalk me all you want! So I added him right away. And on my drive home I called my best friend and told her how excited I was that I had finally met someone awesome. I wanted to text him all day every day until I saw him again. We texted when we got home until I went to sleep. I was a very happy girl.
He invited me over to his place for steaks two days later. I had to skip a work out to do it and that was hard for me. I didn't want to get in to the habit of skipping workouts to hang out with men. This is how one slips off the track and gains all their weight back in a relationship. I wanted to be rigid, but my coworkers convinced me I was being dumb and to skip a workout. He lived an hour from me, but only 30 minutes from my work. So I drove over straight after and went to his place. It was weird, but not. He opened his fridge to get me a drink and he had gone out and bought a case of my kind of beer.
Walking in to his house I was instantly attacked by his dog. Now, I love dogs. They don't scare me when they jump. I typically embrace it. But his dog was way hyper-active. And she scratched a hole in to the pair of pants I had bought that day on my lunch break to change in to. He kept yelling at her to get down and she didn't listen. Then he got scary mean and grabbed her and put her in her kennel. Normally I say, no, don't kennel the dog, but she was so hyper I was happy. And then when he let her out she was trampling me again. And he was screaming at her again. I don't like to hear people yell at their dogs that way. I mean, she was a rescue so she probably needed way more attention than he was giving her so it wasn't her fault. He had mentioned a couple times how he didn't want her and that made me angry too.
Our conversation moved to the fact that he was the neighborhood bully. Apparently he had yelled at every kid on the block and some of their parents. At the time, I laughed thinking his neighbors must be assholes. But in the back of my mind I was adding up all his bad temper points and the scales were tipping. Somehow we got on the topic of my sex life. I mentioned that while I have been known to be a bit wild...that while I was dating I wouldn't be acting that way. He had mentioned me spending the night at his place, not necessarily that night...but it seemed as if he wouldn't have totally been okay with that. I was like, whoa guy...do I have SLUT tattooed across my forehead? I mean just because I have slept around doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you right away. Take it fucking easy. I was like, yeah, if the time comes I'd pack a bag and stay...but too soon guy...too soon.
When it was time to go...I had a one hour drive after all...we stood out by my car and we had our first kiss. It was a little awkward because I went to hug him as I was willing to do and he didn't let me go and he looked in to my eyes and I fell back against my car because I didn't realize what he was doing. I'm such an awkward sober girl. I have been known to slam my tongue down a guy's throat wasted in a public bar...and here I was in the privacy of a driveway at night and couldn't even kiss a guy. But it was successful and at the time I was still happy. He had invited me to go with him that weekend camping. I was actually considering it...but later in the week chickened out.
I thought I had done it. Finally found someone I could spend some time with. But he lived so far away. And apparently was as not-willing to bend on his schedule as I was not-willing to drive. We never successfully figured out another time to get together as we spent every day after that arguing via text. One shining moment stands out...I was getting really attached and was worried he was freaking out about it because he didn't text me back or some stupid girly reason. And then he called me and was like "don't text if you're worried about something, just call me and ask." I loved that about him. Like, he's a fucking grown up and made me feel real foolish. But in the end we really argued a lot. I would ask to come over right after work and he would say "I can't hang out until 730". What the fuck am I going to do for two hours after work? I mean, if I'm driving you have to be willing to have me come over right after work. And he never was. And he was never open to hanging out on the weekend because he had all these things to do. I just finally got fed up and we both decided we were making it way more difficult than it had to be.
He said that it should be easy and it was too hard. I didn't like how he was unwilling to bend. If I was going to drive a fucking hour he better be willing to have me come over when I was able to come over. He didn't bend. I didn't bend. And in the end it just broke. I really hated his temper that he had with me. Every time I would read a text from him I'd be angry. The honeymoon was over after only two dates. He texted me after that and asked me to reconsider, but I held firm. Until a month or so after I had gone on a few more bad dates. He wanted to give it another go so I said okay and met him for dinner. But we ended up arguing again. He did admit that he had been stubborn and unwilling to bend to my schedule in anyway, but at that point I was over it. I could see his temper and I just knew we'd spend more time arguing.
He texted me, again, asking if I was ready to give him a chance and I ignored that one. Haven't heard from him since.
Guy #4: The Car-less Asshat
I went on another date, in between dates with the guy above, with another guy from Match.com. Shit was going bad with that guy so I was back at it messaging people and answering messages. This guy I found looked really cute in his pics and had a pretty decent profile. We agreed to meet and I drove to the Brass Ring after work. It was a Friday. I got there first so I ordered a cabernet and sat at the bar. I thought I was looking pretty cute. Had my new shirt on and everything. And then the guy walks up. A good foot shorter than I thought he would be and way worse looking in real life. I don't know if his pics were old or just the three best pics in existence of him or what. I'm a short girl so a guy who's 5'9" doesn't bother me. A guy who's my height on the other hand...then they have small carnie hands...and probably smell like cabbage...
It was awkward from the beginning. He ordered a beer and a salad. I ordered a quesadilla. We talked. He told me that he didn't have a car and had borrowed his cousin's car for the night. I was like, okay, no car. How the hell is this going to work? There were no sparks and the conversation was a bit jilted. It wasn't an "I'm doing all the talking" convo, but it seemed like neither of us was interested in what the other person was saying. Like we were just going through the motions. Before I even had a chance to decide if I could possibly go for this short stubby guy, the waitress asked if we wanted another round and he said, "No just the check, I gotta get going." We had literally been sitting there for all of 30 minutes as our food came pretty fast.
I didn't even have a chance to argue. He paid the bill and stood up and was like, "Well I gotta get going, my car is this way" and pretty much booked it out. I was pissed. Absolutely livid that I wasted a Friday night on this twat. He wasn't even good looking. And I bet his dick is short and chubby just like he was. Yeah...asshole, I know I am. But to be rejected in under an hour really sucked. And by someone so below my level. I didn't like him anyway, but the fact that he booked it out of there before I could even decide really made me angry. He probably double booked because he had his cousin's car. He kept checking his watch because he probably had to meet as many girls in one night as he possibly could before he lost his wheels again. Fucking chump. Good riddance.
There were also a lot of near misses. Guys I messaged and planned to meet, and then it fell through or just never happened. I talk to a lot of guys just one night and then never again. Some guys a couple nights and then I get bored because they suck. If a guy can't keep me interested in a couple of emails, I figured in person would just be worse. And if they suck at writing and it makes my head hurt to translate their texts...can't do that either.
I post a lot about my dates on Facebook. I also cut and paste pics from messages I receive online that are hilarious, or ludicrous, or just plain bad. It's really only for comedic effect as I am never going to ask Facebook for relationship advice. Alas Facebook still insists on giving it to me. There's just something so sad and lonely about a single girl that everyone coupled person feels the need to drop their knowledge in hopes that this single girl won't be so pathetic forever. I hear it doesn't end, once you're married it's all about asking when you're going to have kids...etc, etc because everyone thinks you need to follow the status quo or there's something wrong with you.
My dating life is hilarious. And sad. And I think people are actually interested in hearing about mine because it either validates their own relationships, helps them live vicariously through me if they're single and lonely, or just entertains them while they're cooking or taking a dump. I want people who are in loving happy relationships to read what I'm going through and realize what they have and how wonderful their life is. If these people are out there thinking the grass is greener...I want to assure them that it isn't. But I don't want them putting their expectations on me or trying to school me in how to find a successful relationship.
What not to say to your single friends...
I love my friends, but I if I don't outright ask for advice, I don't want it. Most people on Facebook who comment on my shit only know my online persona. People I talk to in real life, my actual every day friends, they know better than to ever utter the "maybe you're trying too hard" bullshit that gets shoved down my throat on the regular. Here's a tip from me to you. Never, EVER, say that to your single friends. Ever. And while we're at it, keep the "Maybe once you stop looking" to yourself along with "well I met my husband/fiance/boyfriend when I wasn't even looking for a relationship..." Oh really? You did? And everyone else in a successful relationship was also "not looking?" You mean everyone in this world just accidentally bumped in to their soul mate one day and it was love at first site? Fuck that and fuck you for making me think that what I'm doing is wrong.
Everyone meets the love of their life differently. And to hear the advice I get from couples, is to hear their story. Well I met my husband online--you should try it. Well I met my husband through a friend. We went to high school together. We went to college together. We worked together for three years first. How about, he was trolling Facebook drunk one night, saw my pic, and messaged me. I added him as a friend because he was hot. And now he's my baby daddy. There is no secret to finding the love of your life. And just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for me. I'm doing what I have to do. I'm doing what makes me feel better about my life.
And the advice I really really don't like hearing is...
*Why don't you take some time to get to know yourself and what you want?
*You have to love yourself before anyone is going to love you. And I really really really like,
*Well if you weren't so picky....oh yeah...I LOVE to hear that one...
Listen up here, and listen well...I LOVE MY LIFE. I AM HAPPY. I KNOW WHAT I WANT. AND I'M GOING TO FUCKING BE PICKY. We're talking about the rest of my life. I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I'm not looking for a fuck buddy. I'm looking for a man to share my life with and start a family with. I'm 31 years old. In less than 3 months I will be 32. I don't have all the time in the world. No, I fucking don't so don't tell me I have time either. I know I don't have to pop out kids tomorrow, but I'm not waiting until I'm 40 either. It takes a long time to find someone. A long time to get to know them. A long time to get engaged. A long time to get married. But yet just once to get pregnant, amirite? I'm starting from scratch here. So yeah, we're talking a years and years long process until I reach the ultimate outcome of becoming a mother. That is what I want out of life. That's all I've ever wanted.
However, if I don't get it, I don't. I'm not desperate. I know I'm not skinny. I can see myself. It's like people think...oh, you're fat...you should probably take what you can get when you can get it. And you know what? FUCK THAT and fuck you too for thinking that. I know exactly what size I am. And I'm okay with it. For now. I'm a work in progress, but in the mean time I know I'm not the ideal.
However...every guy (barring the one non-driving asshat) has chased me. I get so many messages online. And 9 out of the 10 guys I've gone out with have fallen for me in some way. And I've met many who like me just the way I am. I do not need to settle...as no one should. I do not need to take the first guy who comes my way and likes me. I will not be that girl. Those girls cheat on their husbands or live miserably when they realize they've married someone they didn't really love and just settled for the first man who was interested.
I'm not going to be that girl. I'm going to be madly in love and I won't accept anything less. So yeah, I may not be a model, but I can still be picky. I deserve what I want and I won't settle for less. If that means I spend the next 50 years single...so be it. Well, I say that now...I'm sure around 40 my tune will change. But for now, I'm having no problems meeting men and even less problems getting them to like me. As you'll notice...most of my stories, it's my choice to not continue.
And so what, I want a man with a degree who can actually write a full sentence? I have a degree. I don't think I'm being ridiculous asking that a man be on my same education level. I'm not saying that men who only graduated high school are not intelligent. A lot of guys get great jobs and make more than me on a two year or no year degree. But chances are, a guy who went to college is going to be better at things like writing emails and drafting text messages that don't use one letter words. Yeah I know people have issues and don't read well or just weren't good students. And I've gone on dates with those guys. And we have nothing in common.
I don't really appreciate when people try making me feel like an asshole when I judge men who are lacking. I am an asshole in many ways...however I don't think it's fair to throw me on the stake because I make fun of a guy who can't think. Yes, I have flaws. Yes I'm not perfect. And any guy who's going to judge me because I'm not 5'10" 125 pounds is someone I don't want to date. So these guys have every right to call me a judgemental asshole and not want to date me because of that. Because that's exactly what I'd say to a guy who overlooked me because I'm not a model. But other people have no right to say that I need to be considerate of this or that. I only need to be considerate if the man in front of me is worth considering. And honestly, most of these men aren't and I know this because I've met them in real life--or at least had multiple conversations with them before deciding they're not worth talking to. These people who don't know me, and don't know the guy, have no place to have an opinion.
So that aside. Yes picky, no not settling, yes going to continue to go on dates even if they all suck. At least I know in my mind that I've tried...even if I never do find that one guy who can keep up with me intellectually and physically. It's a lot to ask. And it's going to take an incredible man to fill that role. But at this point I'm still hopeful and up for the challenge of looking. Since I don't really have a chance to meet a lot of men in my day to day--I'm online. I've been on probably ten or so first dates this year...and many second and third dates. And I've just met some guys for a one night mutual thing...that has turned in to more than once in every occasion. So yeah...I've had luck online. Lots of it! My dance card has been really full this year. And even though I didn't find "the one"...I'm optimistic that I might.
I only made it through 4 men in this blog...I'll have to save the next round for another blog...so I'll put this out there for now. Stay tuned for the next 4 men. And in the meantime, keep your advice to yourself. I get very defensive when people "attack" me and my opinion because that's just it, it's my opinion and my life to fuck up. You know what they say about opinions? Yes, we're back to assholes. But please do weigh in if you'd like to add a "oh no he didn't" comment...I love those. General rule of thumb...if I'm making fun of him, you do too. That's always acceptable. And maybe one day I'll meet one to gush about...but those posts aren't anywhere near as entertaining...am I right?
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