Nice guys finish last?
Raise your hand if you've ever passed up a nice guy for an emotionally unavailable douchebag who treated you like shit and then left your ass once he was done with it? Now leave your hand up if you've done this more than once? Keep it up there if you're now realizing that every nice guy you've ever known has been friend-zoned for a pretty-faced bad boy who gave you nine seconds of attention in which you felt totally cool and totally hot knowing you were sleeping with said bad boy--even though he broke your heart around the tenth second and left you miserable. Now, how many of you are sick and tired of the shit you have been through with these boys and are finally ready for a man? Don't worry--you can just nod your head because I'm sure you've lost all feeling in your hand...
If you're anything like me...which, I'm a rare find, but we do exist...then you're in your early thirties (late thirties? older still?) and realizing that every man you spent your hard earned time and money on in your twenties was a giant piece of shit. Or, more specifically...he was a Boy. And now it's time to find yourself a Man. This blog has been inspired by a blog a friend of mine posted to Facebook. I'm adding the link here, because you need to read this blog so you know what I mean when I say Man vs. Boy.
http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/
I'm not going to rewrite her blog. She said it better than I ever could have. But know this, I have encountered all 11 situations she describes. I don't know who she is, but I believe she is me and she is fucking genius. So, that being said, I would like to add on to her blog with my own two cents.
I believe that all those nice guys turned in to Men while we were busy fucking around with all the Boys. They patiently watched from afar as we screamed, cried, went bat-shit-crazy-insane over all the stupid stuff the Boys put us through. They took diligent notes as they watched their friend's girlfriends go unappreciated. They quietly sat back and waited it out because they knew...in the end...we would get tired of all the shit and come crawling to them to make it all better.
Women are not the only ones guilty of putting up with some shit for a pretty face. Oh no...there are more men walking around with model-hot girls and putting up with their psycho jealous behavior because, hey, she's fucking hot and I look really cool having scored such a hot chick! This definitely goes both ways...but since I don't have a penis...I will not write from a penis' point of view.
If you line up every guy I've ever fallen for--and there aren't many because this girl has standards--and then you chronicle every interaction I ever had with them...the cons outweigh the pros every time. I was more angry, upset, jealous, worried, self-conscious, etc...than I ever was happy or even content. I spent more time wondering what they were thinking, why they weren't calling, what they were doing--than I did enjoying their company. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we follow around emotionally unavailable people and hope that we can make them change? Why do we convince ourselves that they feel anything?
And worse still...why do we keep going back?
A good friend of mine--who is also single, but a little younger than me so not as desperate!--has been online dating as well. I don't know if you can say she's been more successful than me because we're both still single, but she certainly has made longer connections than I have. At least, she dated a couple guys for a while as opposed to dropping them after the second date (as is my style). These guys always started out nice. They said all the right things. They had great chemistry in bed. They spent every waking moment together, on the phone, texting, whatever. Then boom. Curtain is down. They got a little attention from a hot chick for five minutes and then were ready to move on to the next one. Meanwhile, my friend is left feeling bamboozled, and quite frankly, hurt.
The connection? Both these guys knew how to play the game. They knew they were good looking and could score a hot girl, they knew what to say to do it, and then when they decided they'd gotten their fill--they played the I'm-a-giant-noncommittal-pussy card and started pulling back. That's what Boys do. They reel you in with the charm and smooth moves and then cast you back out into the water. They never really commit (but will probably talk like they will) and they never let you in. They accept everything you give them. They eat up all the attention and then get tired of putting effort into it and decide to find another sucker they don't have to work as hard for.
But I still haven't answered the question of why...why do we overlook the nice Men of the world and put all our efforts in to the Boys? Well...one answer is that we're still a Girl deep down. As the author of the blog mentions--age has nothing to do with it, but Girls date Boys and Women date Men once they are done dating the Boys. Girls think men have to be these wild, exciting, core shakers! They believe in love at first site and that if there is a sexual spark then that is everything you need! Sure...for a night. Or several nights if you're lucky...
Yeah--it's great to want to jump into bed every waking minute of your life with some hot man who's waving his dick in your face--but that's just not going to last. There is no possible way you will find a man who will want to fuck you every day until you die or vice versa. People get older, bodies slowly deteriorate. We lose our looks. We lose our stamina. Then what happens? What happens when you're old and wrinkly? Those Boys find a younger Girl and you're old and alone now.
The thing about it is...all those things you thought were "magic" were just raging hormones. Just because we're not teenagers, doesn't mean we aren't all a bunch of horn dogs. It's all visual. If you close your eyes and open your heart, I think you'll see that these Boys don't provide you the comfort and stability you will want in the end. If you're ready to be a Woman and take control of the rest of your life...then you have to find yourself a Man. You have to find that nice guy who was just sitting back waiting to finish last!
If you're a nice guy, there is nothing wrong with finishing last! Finishing last means you are it. She is done. She has found the man she is going to finish her life with.
When we're younger we have this list of must haves. Mine looked something like this: 5' 10", solid build, has blonde hair, has blue eyes, has a baby smooth face, and great smile, likes the same music as me, can dance, can sing, is hilarious, is outgoing, tells great stories, likes to be the center of attention, plays sports, plays games, is intelligent, is witty, laughs at my jokes, treats me well, is loyal, is caring, is a dreamer, is a lover, is great in bed, likes sex, is passionate about something or many things, is warm-hearted, cares for others, treats people with respect, loves his family, loves the Packers...I mean, I could go on and on. And then one day I looked at my list and realized--minus the height/build--that person I was looking for was me. Seriously. I was looking for someone who was me, in man form. And I got to thinking, would I want to date me? I mean honestly, I have spent my entire life with me! Wouldn't it be great to meet someone else and add a little variety?
Why would I want to spend the rest of my life with two me's? I am already lucky enough to get to spend the rest of my life with one me, am I right? I love myself. I love who I have become as a woman and a person. I am proud of myself. And that is great, but I'm not perfect. I can be neurotic. I can be flighty. I can be impulsive. I can be reckless. I make bad decisions. I am emotional. I overeat. I whine sometimes. And I complain too. I don't need twice as much of that. I need someone who counteracts that. I need a solid, genuine, down to earth, safe, stable, loving, loyal, NICE guy.
What good is a core shaker who, in the end, turns out to be like the rest of them? All these guys that I felt "it" with...it wasn't real. It wasn't my brain or my heart...it was my hormones. I jumped in headfirst to these situations and was left up shit creek without a paddle when I realized they didn't feel the same way about me. They were not going to give me what I had already handed over to them on a silver platter. Every time I've followed my "instincts" it has led me astray. I used to think...well, he was too boring. He wasn't funny. His teeth were a little crooked.
Seriously. That's nothing compared to a man who will love you and treat you well and stay by your side for the rest of your life. Those men become core shakers when you realize just how much they love you and how lucky you are to have them in your life. When you can finally sit back and know how someone feels about you without having to ask...when you are confident in where your relationship is headed...when you feel safe...when you feel happy...that's when you should see how your core feels then. See if it really prefers the bad boy who never quite settles down and can literally walk away at any moment. See if it really wants to spend the days sitting by the phone waiting for him to call/text. See if it wants to go back to feeling horrible and crying all the time. I'm going to say...probably not.
So when a grown ass woman finds herself a nice guy...I hope she damn well knows it, and finally gives him a chance, and that they live happily ever after.
If you're anything like me...which, I'm a rare find, but we do exist...then you're in your early thirties (late thirties? older still?) and realizing that every man you spent your hard earned time and money on in your twenties was a giant piece of shit. Or, more specifically...he was a Boy. And now it's time to find yourself a Man. This blog has been inspired by a blog a friend of mine posted to Facebook. I'm adding the link here, because you need to read this blog so you know what I mean when I say Man vs. Boy.
http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/
I'm not going to rewrite her blog. She said it better than I ever could have. But know this, I have encountered all 11 situations she describes. I don't know who she is, but I believe she is me and she is fucking genius. So, that being said, I would like to add on to her blog with my own two cents.
I believe that all those nice guys turned in to Men while we were busy fucking around with all the Boys. They patiently watched from afar as we screamed, cried, went bat-shit-crazy-insane over all the stupid stuff the Boys put us through. They took diligent notes as they watched their friend's girlfriends go unappreciated. They quietly sat back and waited it out because they knew...in the end...we would get tired of all the shit and come crawling to them to make it all better.
Women are not the only ones guilty of putting up with some shit for a pretty face. Oh no...there are more men walking around with model-hot girls and putting up with their psycho jealous behavior because, hey, she's fucking hot and I look really cool having scored such a hot chick! This definitely goes both ways...but since I don't have a penis...I will not write from a penis' point of view.
If you line up every guy I've ever fallen for--and there aren't many because this girl has standards--and then you chronicle every interaction I ever had with them...the cons outweigh the pros every time. I was more angry, upset, jealous, worried, self-conscious, etc...than I ever was happy or even content. I spent more time wondering what they were thinking, why they weren't calling, what they were doing--than I did enjoying their company. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we follow around emotionally unavailable people and hope that we can make them change? Why do we convince ourselves that they feel anything?
And worse still...why do we keep going back?
A good friend of mine--who is also single, but a little younger than me so not as desperate!--has been online dating as well. I don't know if you can say she's been more successful than me because we're both still single, but she certainly has made longer connections than I have. At least, she dated a couple guys for a while as opposed to dropping them after the second date (as is my style). These guys always started out nice. They said all the right things. They had great chemistry in bed. They spent every waking moment together, on the phone, texting, whatever. Then boom. Curtain is down. They got a little attention from a hot chick for five minutes and then were ready to move on to the next one. Meanwhile, my friend is left feeling bamboozled, and quite frankly, hurt.
The connection? Both these guys knew how to play the game. They knew they were good looking and could score a hot girl, they knew what to say to do it, and then when they decided they'd gotten their fill--they played the I'm-a-giant-noncommittal-pussy card and started pulling back. That's what Boys do. They reel you in with the charm and smooth moves and then cast you back out into the water. They never really commit (but will probably talk like they will) and they never let you in. They accept everything you give them. They eat up all the attention and then get tired of putting effort into it and decide to find another sucker they don't have to work as hard for.
But I still haven't answered the question of why...why do we overlook the nice Men of the world and put all our efforts in to the Boys? Well...one answer is that we're still a Girl deep down. As the author of the blog mentions--age has nothing to do with it, but Girls date Boys and Women date Men once they are done dating the Boys. Girls think men have to be these wild, exciting, core shakers! They believe in love at first site and that if there is a sexual spark then that is everything you need! Sure...for a night. Or several nights if you're lucky...
Yeah--it's great to want to jump into bed every waking minute of your life with some hot man who's waving his dick in your face--but that's just not going to last. There is no possible way you will find a man who will want to fuck you every day until you die or vice versa. People get older, bodies slowly deteriorate. We lose our looks. We lose our stamina. Then what happens? What happens when you're old and wrinkly? Those Boys find a younger Girl and you're old and alone now.
The thing about it is...all those things you thought were "magic" were just raging hormones. Just because we're not teenagers, doesn't mean we aren't all a bunch of horn dogs. It's all visual. If you close your eyes and open your heart, I think you'll see that these Boys don't provide you the comfort and stability you will want in the end. If you're ready to be a Woman and take control of the rest of your life...then you have to find yourself a Man. You have to find that nice guy who was just sitting back waiting to finish last!
If you're a nice guy, there is nothing wrong with finishing last! Finishing last means you are it. She is done. She has found the man she is going to finish her life with.
When we're younger we have this list of must haves. Mine looked something like this: 5' 10", solid build, has blonde hair, has blue eyes, has a baby smooth face, and great smile, likes the same music as me, can dance, can sing, is hilarious, is outgoing, tells great stories, likes to be the center of attention, plays sports, plays games, is intelligent, is witty, laughs at my jokes, treats me well, is loyal, is caring, is a dreamer, is a lover, is great in bed, likes sex, is passionate about something or many things, is warm-hearted, cares for others, treats people with respect, loves his family, loves the Packers...I mean, I could go on and on. And then one day I looked at my list and realized--minus the height/build--that person I was looking for was me. Seriously. I was looking for someone who was me, in man form. And I got to thinking, would I want to date me? I mean honestly, I have spent my entire life with me! Wouldn't it be great to meet someone else and add a little variety?
Why would I want to spend the rest of my life with two me's? I am already lucky enough to get to spend the rest of my life with one me, am I right? I love myself. I love who I have become as a woman and a person. I am proud of myself. And that is great, but I'm not perfect. I can be neurotic. I can be flighty. I can be impulsive. I can be reckless. I make bad decisions. I am emotional. I overeat. I whine sometimes. And I complain too. I don't need twice as much of that. I need someone who counteracts that. I need a solid, genuine, down to earth, safe, stable, loving, loyal, NICE guy.
What good is a core shaker who, in the end, turns out to be like the rest of them? All these guys that I felt "it" with...it wasn't real. It wasn't my brain or my heart...it was my hormones. I jumped in headfirst to these situations and was left up shit creek without a paddle when I realized they didn't feel the same way about me. They were not going to give me what I had already handed over to them on a silver platter. Every time I've followed my "instincts" it has led me astray. I used to think...well, he was too boring. He wasn't funny. His teeth were a little crooked.
Seriously. That's nothing compared to a man who will love you and treat you well and stay by your side for the rest of your life. Those men become core shakers when you realize just how much they love you and how lucky you are to have them in your life. When you can finally sit back and know how someone feels about you without having to ask...when you are confident in where your relationship is headed...when you feel safe...when you feel happy...that's when you should see how your core feels then. See if it really prefers the bad boy who never quite settles down and can literally walk away at any moment. See if it really wants to spend the days sitting by the phone waiting for him to call/text. See if it wants to go back to feeling horrible and crying all the time. I'm going to say...probably not.
So when a grown ass woman finds herself a nice guy...I hope she damn well knows it, and finally gives him a chance, and that they live happily ever after.
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