Let's spend Valentine's Day alone together...
It had to be done. At some point this month I had to type up a "love" blog. Since I skipped out on the other 13 days...I guess that day is today. Kinda sad that my life has finally slowed down to the point that I can't find anyone to hang out with so I can actually type up a blog...and it's the one day of the year everyone wants someone to hang out with! Ahhh...oh well. So be it. It's not like this is the first time I've found myself without a Valentine by any means...
An internet connection just recently returned to my life so I find that I may be more willing/able to post some blogs. I know I haven't posted in a while and frankly it's because winter is depressing and all I want to do is bitch about the ice and snow and cold. Honestly? It's been done. I get bored typing about boring shit...so I couldn't imagine anyone actually then reading it. So I take the other route and choose just not to type. I figure...I'd rather have a few quality blogs than a bunch of shit no one reads.
So tonight my five readers will be my valentine's. I feel like if it's Valentine's Day and your plans are so lame that you find yourself stumbling across my blog...well then...you're probably in a similar situation as I am and will appreciate what it is I have to say right now.
You would figure someone who's been single for 5 years, 9 months, and 20 days (who's counting?) would HATE this holiday. Would loathe it's very existance. And would cry outraged every year about how this is a Hallmark holiday that was totally made up so that vendors could make money with old Halloween candy that has been dyed red! But no...no. I do not hate this holiday.
In fact, I celebrate it every year whether I have a Valentine, or not. It just so happens that I have not had a Valentine since 2005. And if we're being totally honest with each other...more like 2003. So I've spent my fair share finding things to do with myself. Or I find ways to screw up my life.
Like one year, I had some candles lit, I had The Notebook new on dvd to watch...and I was sipping on some cheap leftover NYE champagne. I was in and ready to have a banging night with yours truly...and then my cell phone got a text message. It was from my coworker. Who wanted to go out for a drink. Who was very married. Who also had four children. The newest which was only months old. So...yeah...he wanted to go for a drink so I thought...why not? Why can't I go out with a coworker and get a drink? It's not like I like him. NO big deal.
Except it was. He was already half in the bag when he picked me up. I think he even offered me a beer in a can when I got in the car. When we got to the bar he bought me my drinks. And then he decided it was time for some confessions. I was like...wha, uh, who? I had no idea he was going to go in and just drop it all on the table that night. I mean...it was Valentine's day and he left his wife at home with their 4 children!
He admitted that he always liked me since we started our new jobs. He was Mexican and really liked that I was part Mexican. I played up my 1/4 like I was some hot shot just because I thought he was pretty hilarious and I liked talking to him. We had a lot in common...not just the Mexican stuff...so it was easy to talk to him. I thought we'd have fun out at the bar. Toss a couple back, make fun of our boss, that kind of thing.
But no, he went and confessed his love for me and that's when things got ugly. I made him take me home then and there before it got in to a discussion I wasn't willing to have. He was swerving ALL over the road. It was scary. I was scared that I'd get out of the car and he'd drive home and wouldn't be in to work on Monday because something awful happened. He did show up to work but it was SOOOO awkward that I had to move my desk (which was right next to his) so that I was on the other side of the wall away from him. It was a huge deal so it was dealt with by HR even.
These are just some of the things that happen to me on Vday.
Sometimes I just find a couple friends and go to a movie. One year I got a bunch of girls together and we saw some terrible romantic comedy and then everyone went home. I was so upset that everyone went home that I stayed and saw another movie. Yeah...saw a movie alone on the biggest date night of the year...how so very awesome I was. Other times a bunch of my single girls and I will get dressed up and go out and drink ourselves silly. Those are some fun times for sure.
But I've only had probably 3 Vdays that really stand out as outstanding. I can remember such things as filet mignon, red underwear with little white hearts, locked doors and loud music, wine, candles, chocolates, flowers, all of it! But those times are few and far between for the single girl. And sometimes even for the married girl. It's those lucky bitches who have this day fall EARLY in their relationship who actually end up with flowers all the goddamn time.
They've got the fucking market cornered I think. In fact, I think they time it out just right so they get him there at 6 months...then they break it up and wait a bit until they can get the next guy at the same time the next year. Friggen gold diggers. Hehe. That may not be true, but I believe it to be.
I still love the idea of love. I love that there are people out in the world who have found someone that they can't live without. I think that's awesome. I think there are too many people out there settling for the first big thing that they catch because they're too scared to keep fishing. Usually because they believe they could fish for 10 years and never find anything better. Or it's because they've waited too long for something "fantastic" and then finally "okay" comes up and they're so sick and tired of looking for "fantastic" that they settle for "okay" because at least it's better than "horrible and unhappy."
So even though I haven't come across a man I couldn't live without for the past five years of my life (that's not to say it didn't happen, but to say that they didn't feel the same way for me) I still keep a positive outlook that I may come across a man I can't live without...who can't live without me either! I find I can quickly learn to live without someone who turns out to be just not that interested in me. It's those assholes who never let me know and keep me hanging on that I always fall for though. They like the attention I give them, and are too chicken shit to break it off until they find someone better to give them attention.
Wow. That's a little sad.
But anyway...my point
Women who are always shown affection and get flowers just because and share little romantic things with their significant others all year round...are not bitter. The women who are entitled to gift getting are not angry at the holiday because they never had to be. They're the women all women aspire to be...but few attain. That's why you hear more grumbling women this time of year declaring that they refuse to celebrate such a ridiculous made up holiday.
I'm not one of those women. I enjoy the idea that there is a day set aside for lovers. But it doesn't necessarily mean couples. It's just a day to celebrate love and what people think is love or hope that it will be love some day. I love my friends and I will tell them today and not feel stupid like I might on any other day, because today is the day to do so. You wouldn't think badly of that situation would you?
I like the idea of a man using it as an excuse to finally say the words he's been meaning to say but just couldn't find the courage to do so until it was the day that celebrates you saying it! Yeah, I know I sound like a damn Hallmark card now...but it's how I feel. It's why I don't hate the holiday and will always celebrate it.
This year, sadly, I
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