In case you missed it...
I'm not going to let a little kitchen fire stop me from typing up the blog I've been wanting to type since 10pm last night when the Golden Globes ended! No sir.
Did you watch the Golden Globes last night? I may have been the only one. It's a tad ironic that I was watching them considering yesterday was my first day with television since 2009 and I've been so broke recently that I haven't seen too many movies lately either. I am definitely riding the short bus in entertainment right now. I had no idea who or what was nominated and hadn't heard of some of actors and actresses walking the red carpet...but I sure am a sucker for an awards show!
I decided the best way to convey my reactions to the show are to split them up in to separate thought processes. So...in case you missed it...in no particular order...
--Ricky Gervais was the host of the show. Considering the Golden Globes are decided on by the Hollywood Foreign Press...why not have Brit host an American Awards show? He's funny as hell, in my opinion, and I looked forward to his wisecracks. Unfortunately last night was a night for uptight divas and tightly wound dudes.
For whatever reason Hollywood lost their sense of humor and decided to be wholly offended by every joke Ricky did. I enjoyed this immensely! I mean, what's an awards show without a roast of the people nominated? You gotta knock these people down a notch a few times a year and remind them not to take themselves too seriously. Sure, they worked hard on their respective movies and TV shows...but seriously...they get paid INSANE amounts of money to play someone else all day. Those of us living hand-to-mouth have no sympathy for celebrities. Oh boo hoo, Ricky made fun of your movie because no one went to see it. Quit your crying and go buy yourself a new house with the money you made off of the movie no one went to see. Seriously...
--Pretty dresses! Lots of them! My favorite was probably Claire Danes's pink number. She looked fabulous with her info-mercial new eye lashes! I don't know who Olivia Wilde is, but her big sparkly poofy dress was a lot of fun. But then again, I am no fashionista. I don't know what's in fashion and what isn't. I didn't recognize any of the names on the red carpet who don't also make underwear.
--Speaking of dresses...Christina Aguilera was clearly in some maternity wear. If her big chubby cheeks and overflowing boobs didn't give her away...her 5 months (guestimate) sized belly sure looked suspicious. As of the writing of this blog, there are no confirmed reports that she's knocked up...but for her sake, I certainly hope she was. Otherwise maybe she should have just said no to supersizing her dinner before walking the red carpet. Natalie Portman, on the other hand, is out and proud to be pregnant and looked fabulous. I didn't even know she was dating anyone! Her pink flowing dress by blah, blah, designer was really pretty. The red flower accent should have been left off however...
Here's a link to all the dresses: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1347803/Golden-Globes-2011-Eva-Longoria-Christina-Aguilera-Scarlett-Johansson-best-fashion.html
--Eva Longoria had a time of it in her dress. As she walked across the stage to present her award for, whatever...she slid...twice! That'll teach her to wear a dress with a train the next time she has to walk across a stage in front of millions of people. I mean, there are those of us who enjoy a good slip and slide across stage...in fact I'm willing to bet people tune in to things like that just to see someone biff their shit...but she's not an actress I'm chomping at the bit to see ass over tea kettle in a fancy dress. However...if Megan Fox had taken a little spill I would still be laughing right now.
--Michael C. Hall has always looked to be a dark blonde bordering on strawberry...but his fucking beard is Bozo orange! Who knew Dexter's beard was a ginger?? Come on Dex...shave the beard for my sake. I can't continue a crush on you if you allow that shit to grow on your face.
--Trent Reznor writes teen movie scores now. Far cry from the "I want to penetrate you" days of Nine Inch Nails I'd say. To be fair, it wasn't really a teenage movie...it was The Social Network. And he won! It's a good score. I enjoyed the music from that movie. It's not good enough to win an Oscar by any means...I mean, that seat should be left open for Inception alone to win hands down...but it was haunting and great for the movie.
--Jesus stopped by the Golden Globes. He totally did and he was seated next to Marky Mark! Wait...that wasn't Jesus? That was Christian Bale? And that was actor Mark Wahlberg he was chatting it up with? They were in a movie called The Fighter, you say? Did anyone else know about this? Someone should tell Batman that the unruly hair and beard are not going to fit under his mask.
--The entire Glee cast teared up when Chris Colfer (aka Kurt...okay, okay, the gay kid) won his globe of joy. I teared up too. It was a very emotional moment for me as Glee is the only show that I actually watched religiously this year that won an award. Plus Chris got up on stage and gave an empowering speech about how his award was won for every kid who was ever bullied in school and didn't think they'd ever fit in or amount to anything. He said "screw that" on TV and the censors let it slide! It was the only thing they let slide for the rest of the night.
--In fact the damn delay censor people were a little push-button happy. I think awards shows could use a little more foul language. Why does it alway have to be so damn proper?
--At least they didn't censor Robert Downey Jr's sex jokes. He told all 5 women nominated in the category he was presenting that he'd do them...right there on stage...in front of his wife. I thoroughly enjoyed that. I'm sure some Christian's decided to pray for his soul...but I applauded loudly. I had to just clap because I was wearing a peel off mask at the time and laughing would have ruined it.
--Annette Benning was sporting the exact same bed head as Al Pacino. Perhaps they were really low on the same stylist's list. After doing the fabulous updos like Julia Stiles and Natalie Portman the stylist probably just said fuck it...let's just use some of this here pomade and then have you put this here fork in to that light socket over there.
--Speaking of Julia Stiles...she was nominated for her role in Dexter. The ONLY other TV show that was nominated that I actually watch! I won't spoil it for those who aren't caught up, but she is hands down my favorite seasonal character they've ever had on the show. When they were announcing the nominated actresses, the camera would pan over to them. When they said Julia's name the camera stopped on some random old lady...and stayed there. Her five seconds of fame ruined because she was probably in the bathroom and had that lady save her seat. She didn't win, by the way.
--Tilda Swinton showed up in a white button shirt and heinous skirt ala the Gap tee worn back in the 90's by...who, was it, Gwyneth Paltrow? I don't even remember. She looked like crap. She's already not an attractive woman. I wish she would've dolled up a bit...but I guess that's not her style. Not sure what last night's outfit said about her style however...
--Speaking of heinous shirts...When Claire Danes won her award and stood up, a random crazy old lady from the next table, in a loud country-western style shirt with her dinner napkin still tucked in to her collar also stood up and practically knocked her over with a hug. Claire kept it together and kissed her on the cheek. While I was still reeling from her assault the camera cut back to the lady as Clair acknowledged her as the actual person she portrayed in the movie role she was accepting the award for. Upon closer inspection she was clearly mentally handicap. Great...now I'm an asshole. That is what I get for not seeing any of the nominated shows...
--The cute boy from The Social Network (not Justin Timberlake or those hot twins) took about ten minutes to pronounce the word "Interestingly." If he had just used the American accent he perfected for the movie he might have been able to spit it out. As it is, his British accent caused him to trip up on the word about 4 times before he finally was able to pronounce it. Crazy Brits. It's okay because he's the next spiderman and is going to look smokin in that movie too!
--We were introduced to that hot actor who will be playing Thor in...that new movie coming out with Thor in it. Hey, I told you I'm behind on my entertainment news. I believe he's an Aussie too...at least, that's where I pegged his accent since he sounded just like the late Heath Ledger.
--Jane Lynch was the only other actor from Glee to win in her category (for the record Lea Michele and Matthew Morrison were also nominated). I heart Jane Lynch. She is the bees knees. I have loved her humor since Role Models. Probably even before that. She deserved the award. And she gave a fabulous speech calling herself "falsly humble." As most of her one liners go, it took the audience a couple seconds to catch up and laugh at it. She just pulls it off so well! She also thanked her wife which I thought was great. I want to see more people thanking their same sex significant others on TV.
--Chris Noth (at the awards show for his role on some show I think is called The Good Wife) laughed at the joke Ricky made about airbrushing and the girls of Sex and the City 2. He said "Come on girls, we know how old you are!" and Chris laughed. I love that they cut to him right then. I just love Big...I don't know what he's doing these days...but he will always be Big to me.
--The Danish woman who won for some foreign something or other award hiked her dress up so high when she walked up the stairs to the stage that she showed off her spanx. I wonder how much nylon and lycra there was holding in the guts of that audience. You know those aging wives who never have to be seen up on the screen don't realize until the last minute that this show is broadcast in front of millions and then don't have time to drop the pesky 30 pounds they're carrying around. Even if I was just the wife/girlfriend of someone famous...you bet your ass I'd be up in the gym working on my fitness!
--I don't know the lady's name...maybe Melissa Leo?...but in her speech she thanked some dude for their long nights in the hotel room together. *pause* As people began to laugh she figured out her That's What She Said moment and corrected it by saying "Hey, you don't know what kind of girl I am!"
--Robert DeNiro is not funny. Who knew? He was accepting the award for some lifetime achievement and his first 3 minutes on stage he bombed over and over with one racist joke after another. He was just awkward. I just wanted him to leave the stage before mentioning Little Fockers. Didn't happen...
--Halle Berry either won an award or presented or both. I don't remember. But she got up there with her short hairstyle that she work back when she won her Oscar. I was disappointed to say the least. It's been year's Halle. Get a new hairstyle...that one is soooo early 2000s.
--Paul Giamatti beat Johnny Depp and Johnny Depp for whatever award it was he won. Best Actor? Yeah...Johnny was nominated for The Tourist and Alice In Wonderland. His speech was great. He immediately copped to eating 5 boxes of the Godiva chocolate that were out on the table as favors. Considering the women being held together by a thread and prayer next to him...I'm sure there wasn't a lot of competition for those chocolates.
--I only have one question for Sandra Bullock...do you fuck Ryan Reynolds with those bangs? Seriously...bad idea. Fire your stylist. You looked much better last year when you won.
--Michael Douglas got up to, I believe, present an award. If you've been living under a rock then maybe you've missed the pictures of him plastered all over tabloids looking very skinny and decrepit. The man is battling cancer...but he showed up to the awards show looking pretty good. I'm sure there were a lot of smoke and mirrors and make up to cover up the pallor of his skin...but it was good to see him looking well for a change since all I've seen are those damn tabloids. Everyone stood up and clapped when he got to the stage and he said "There's got to be a better way to get a standing ovation!" proving that he hasn't lost his good humor.
--Hot men sighting: Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Pattinson, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mark Wahlberg, Zac Efron, and James Franco. More hot men were in the audience...they just never got any camera time. Man what I wouldn't have given to be a fly on that wall. Ah who am I kidding? What I would've have given to be a tall blonde half-dressed skank at the after party...
--Awards: Inception was totally dissed the entire night while The Social Network took home every award it was nominated for...or at least that's what it seemed like to me. Natalie Portman won for The Black Swan. The Glee cast won. Christian Bale won and pointed to his toothy butterface wife and asked "who wouldn't want to be married to her?" as Brad Pitt, I'm sure, rolled his eyes. Diane Warren (who has written every single Pop song since the 90's) won for some Cher number in Burlesque. Some gangily kid I don't know won for some show I don't watch. Laura Linney won for The Big C, but didn't even show up.
I'm not worried about Inception losing all night to The Social Network. While The Social Network was hands down one of the best movies of the year...Inception was, in my opinion, one of the best movies of all time. It will go to the Oscars with nothing to worry about. They're the more important award to win anyway. I mean...who the hell are the Hollywood Foreign Press anyway??
So that's it folks. My take on the Golden Globes, in case you missed it. I wish I had spent the day nursing a Golden-Globes-after-party hangover...but no, I was at work hating my mundane unfamous life like the rest of you people. Now I'm going to go give my cat a big open mouthed kiss and head off to bed.
Did you watch the Golden Globes last night? I may have been the only one. It's a tad ironic that I was watching them considering yesterday was my first day with television since 2009 and I've been so broke recently that I haven't seen too many movies lately either. I am definitely riding the short bus in entertainment right now. I had no idea who or what was nominated and hadn't heard of some of actors and actresses walking the red carpet...but I sure am a sucker for an awards show!
I decided the best way to convey my reactions to the show are to split them up in to separate thought processes. So...in case you missed it...in no particular order...
--Ricky Gervais was the host of the show. Considering the Golden Globes are decided on by the Hollywood Foreign Press...why not have Brit host an American Awards show? He's funny as hell, in my opinion, and I looked forward to his wisecracks. Unfortunately last night was a night for uptight divas and tightly wound dudes.
For whatever reason Hollywood lost their sense of humor and decided to be wholly offended by every joke Ricky did. I enjoyed this immensely! I mean, what's an awards show without a roast of the people nominated? You gotta knock these people down a notch a few times a year and remind them not to take themselves too seriously. Sure, they worked hard on their respective movies and TV shows...but seriously...they get paid INSANE amounts of money to play someone else all day. Those of us living hand-to-mouth have no sympathy for celebrities. Oh boo hoo, Ricky made fun of your movie because no one went to see it. Quit your crying and go buy yourself a new house with the money you made off of the movie no one went to see. Seriously...
--Pretty dresses! Lots of them! My favorite was probably Claire Danes's pink number. She looked fabulous with her info-mercial new eye lashes! I don't know who Olivia Wilde is, but her big sparkly poofy dress was a lot of fun. But then again, I am no fashionista. I don't know what's in fashion and what isn't. I didn't recognize any of the names on the red carpet who don't also make underwear.
--Speaking of dresses...Christina Aguilera was clearly in some maternity wear. If her big chubby cheeks and overflowing boobs didn't give her away...her 5 months (guestimate) sized belly sure looked suspicious. As of the writing of this blog, there are no confirmed reports that she's knocked up...but for her sake, I certainly hope she was. Otherwise maybe she should have just said no to supersizing her dinner before walking the red carpet. Natalie Portman, on the other hand, is out and proud to be pregnant and looked fabulous. I didn't even know she was dating anyone! Her pink flowing dress by blah, blah, designer was really pretty. The red flower accent should have been left off however...
Here's a link to all the dresses: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1347803/Golden-Globes-2011-Eva-Longoria-Christina-Aguilera-Scarlett-Johansson-best-fashion.html
--Eva Longoria had a time of it in her dress. As she walked across the stage to present her award for, whatever...she slid...twice! That'll teach her to wear a dress with a train the next time she has to walk across a stage in front of millions of people. I mean, there are those of us who enjoy a good slip and slide across stage...in fact I'm willing to bet people tune in to things like that just to see someone biff their shit...but she's not an actress I'm chomping at the bit to see ass over tea kettle in a fancy dress. However...if Megan Fox had taken a little spill I would still be laughing right now.
--Michael C. Hall has always looked to be a dark blonde bordering on strawberry...but his fucking beard is Bozo orange! Who knew Dexter's beard was a ginger?? Come on Dex...shave the beard for my sake. I can't continue a crush on you if you allow that shit to grow on your face.
--Trent Reznor writes teen movie scores now. Far cry from the "I want to penetrate you" days of Nine Inch Nails I'd say. To be fair, it wasn't really a teenage movie...it was The Social Network. And he won! It's a good score. I enjoyed the music from that movie. It's not good enough to win an Oscar by any means...I mean, that seat should be left open for Inception alone to win hands down...but it was haunting and great for the movie.
--Jesus stopped by the Golden Globes. He totally did and he was seated next to Marky Mark! Wait...that wasn't Jesus? That was Christian Bale? And that was actor Mark Wahlberg he was chatting it up with? They were in a movie called The Fighter, you say? Did anyone else know about this? Someone should tell Batman that the unruly hair and beard are not going to fit under his mask.
--The entire Glee cast teared up when Chris Colfer (aka Kurt...okay, okay, the gay kid) won his globe of joy. I teared up too. It was a very emotional moment for me as Glee is the only show that I actually watched religiously this year that won an award. Plus Chris got up on stage and gave an empowering speech about how his award was won for every kid who was ever bullied in school and didn't think they'd ever fit in or amount to anything. He said "screw that" on TV and the censors let it slide! It was the only thing they let slide for the rest of the night.
--In fact the damn delay censor people were a little push-button happy. I think awards shows could use a little more foul language. Why does it alway have to be so damn proper?
--At least they didn't censor Robert Downey Jr's sex jokes. He told all 5 women nominated in the category he was presenting that he'd do them...right there on stage...in front of his wife. I thoroughly enjoyed that. I'm sure some Christian's decided to pray for his soul...but I applauded loudly. I had to just clap because I was wearing a peel off mask at the time and laughing would have ruined it.
--Annette Benning was sporting the exact same bed head as Al Pacino. Perhaps they were really low on the same stylist's list. After doing the fabulous updos like Julia Stiles and Natalie Portman the stylist probably just said fuck it...let's just use some of this here pomade and then have you put this here fork in to that light socket over there.
--Speaking of Julia Stiles...she was nominated for her role in Dexter. The ONLY other TV show that was nominated that I actually watch! I won't spoil it for those who aren't caught up, but she is hands down my favorite seasonal character they've ever had on the show. When they were announcing the nominated actresses, the camera would pan over to them. When they said Julia's name the camera stopped on some random old lady...and stayed there. Her five seconds of fame ruined because she was probably in the bathroom and had that lady save her seat. She didn't win, by the way.
--Tilda Swinton showed up in a white button shirt and heinous skirt ala the Gap tee worn back in the 90's by...who, was it, Gwyneth Paltrow? I don't even remember. She looked like crap. She's already not an attractive woman. I wish she would've dolled up a bit...but I guess that's not her style. Not sure what last night's outfit said about her style however...
--Speaking of heinous shirts...When Claire Danes won her award and stood up, a random crazy old lady from the next table, in a loud country-western style shirt with her dinner napkin still tucked in to her collar also stood up and practically knocked her over with a hug. Claire kept it together and kissed her on the cheek. While I was still reeling from her assault the camera cut back to the lady as Clair acknowledged her as the actual person she portrayed in the movie role she was accepting the award for. Upon closer inspection she was clearly mentally handicap. Great...now I'm an asshole. That is what I get for not seeing any of the nominated shows...
--The cute boy from The Social Network (not Justin Timberlake or those hot twins) took about ten minutes to pronounce the word "Interestingly." If he had just used the American accent he perfected for the movie he might have been able to spit it out. As it is, his British accent caused him to trip up on the word about 4 times before he finally was able to pronounce it. Crazy Brits. It's okay because he's the next spiderman and is going to look smokin in that movie too!
--We were introduced to that hot actor who will be playing Thor in...that new movie coming out with Thor in it. Hey, I told you I'm behind on my entertainment news. I believe he's an Aussie too...at least, that's where I pegged his accent since he sounded just like the late Heath Ledger.
--Jane Lynch was the only other actor from Glee to win in her category (for the record Lea Michele and Matthew Morrison were also nominated). I heart Jane Lynch. She is the bees knees. I have loved her humor since Role Models. Probably even before that. She deserved the award. And she gave a fabulous speech calling herself "falsly humble." As most of her one liners go, it took the audience a couple seconds to catch up and laugh at it. She just pulls it off so well! She also thanked her wife which I thought was great. I want to see more people thanking their same sex significant others on TV.
--Chris Noth (at the awards show for his role on some show I think is called The Good Wife) laughed at the joke Ricky made about airbrushing and the girls of Sex and the City 2. He said "Come on girls, we know how old you are!" and Chris laughed. I love that they cut to him right then. I just love Big...I don't know what he's doing these days...but he will always be Big to me.
--The Danish woman who won for some foreign something or other award hiked her dress up so high when she walked up the stairs to the stage that she showed off her spanx. I wonder how much nylon and lycra there was holding in the guts of that audience. You know those aging wives who never have to be seen up on the screen don't realize until the last minute that this show is broadcast in front of millions and then don't have time to drop the pesky 30 pounds they're carrying around. Even if I was just the wife/girlfriend of someone famous...you bet your ass I'd be up in the gym working on my fitness!
--I don't know the lady's name...maybe Melissa Leo?...but in her speech she thanked some dude for their long nights in the hotel room together. *pause* As people began to laugh she figured out her That's What She Said moment and corrected it by saying "Hey, you don't know what kind of girl I am!"
--Robert DeNiro is not funny. Who knew? He was accepting the award for some lifetime achievement and his first 3 minutes on stage he bombed over and over with one racist joke after another. He was just awkward. I just wanted him to leave the stage before mentioning Little Fockers. Didn't happen...
--Halle Berry either won an award or presented or both. I don't remember. But she got up there with her short hairstyle that she work back when she won her Oscar. I was disappointed to say the least. It's been year's Halle. Get a new hairstyle...that one is soooo early 2000s.
--Paul Giamatti beat Johnny Depp and Johnny Depp for whatever award it was he won. Best Actor? Yeah...Johnny was nominated for The Tourist and Alice In Wonderland. His speech was great. He immediately copped to eating 5 boxes of the Godiva chocolate that were out on the table as favors. Considering the women being held together by a thread and prayer next to him...I'm sure there wasn't a lot of competition for those chocolates.
--I only have one question for Sandra Bullock...do you fuck Ryan Reynolds with those bangs? Seriously...bad idea. Fire your stylist. You looked much better last year when you won.
--Michael Douglas got up to, I believe, present an award. If you've been living under a rock then maybe you've missed the pictures of him plastered all over tabloids looking very skinny and decrepit. The man is battling cancer...but he showed up to the awards show looking pretty good. I'm sure there were a lot of smoke and mirrors and make up to cover up the pallor of his skin...but it was good to see him looking well for a change since all I've seen are those damn tabloids. Everyone stood up and clapped when he got to the stage and he said "There's got to be a better way to get a standing ovation!" proving that he hasn't lost his good humor.
--Hot men sighting: Ryan Gosling, Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Pattinson, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mark Wahlberg, Zac Efron, and James Franco. More hot men were in the audience...they just never got any camera time. Man what I wouldn't have given to be a fly on that wall. Ah who am I kidding? What I would've have given to be a tall blonde half-dressed skank at the after party...
--Awards: Inception was totally dissed the entire night while The Social Network took home every award it was nominated for...or at least that's what it seemed like to me. Natalie Portman won for The Black Swan. The Glee cast won. Christian Bale won and pointed to his toothy butterface wife and asked "who wouldn't want to be married to her?" as Brad Pitt, I'm sure, rolled his eyes. Diane Warren (who has written every single Pop song since the 90's) won for some Cher number in Burlesque. Some gangily kid I don't know won for some show I don't watch. Laura Linney won for The Big C, but didn't even show up.
I'm not worried about Inception losing all night to The Social Network. While The Social Network was hands down one of the best movies of the year...Inception was, in my opinion, one of the best movies of all time. It will go to the Oscars with nothing to worry about. They're the more important award to win anyway. I mean...who the hell are the Hollywood Foreign Press anyway??
So that's it folks. My take on the Golden Globes, in case you missed it. I wish I had spent the day nursing a Golden-Globes-after-party hangover...but no, I was at work hating my mundane unfamous life like the rest of you people. Now I'm going to go give my cat a big open mouthed kiss and head off to bed.
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